Sincerely, Bella Cullen
by VampricFaeryGirl
Summary: What if Bella left Edward? Imagine it. What horror could bring Bella to leave Edward after she's become a vampire? Where would she go? Would she come back to Edward? Read and see.
1. Chapter 1 Settle

I sat, staring mindlessly out the window. I could hear their voices--and even more agrivating, their heart beats. I closed my eyes but the sound didn't dull in the black, it only heightened. How silly was I to think that this was what I wanted? Had I really thought that the pain would be the worst part?

No. I had always known that those painful three days--I let my body shiver even now at the thought--were not the worst. I had known that it was the dreaded aftermath that was the killer. Saying something was easier than doing it. Becoming a vampire didn't compare to living as one. The thirst was _unbearable_! I could laugh if I wanted to, but then I might be forced into tears. Not that I would ever cry, I was too strong for that. I wasn't burdened with human weakness--or at least, I liked to think so.

Unfortuneatly, the baggage at the door had decided to follow me into my next existance. The same problems that I left behind were following me. I had to avoid Charlie and Renee. That was hard, not to mention that Angela hoped to see me soon. I wanted to say "yeah, me too," but I couldn't. It was more of a "Yeah, me too, except I can't. I'm a vampire now and would probably sooner kill you than speak with you." It wasn't pleasant conversation, so I had nodded, grinned, and said that I had to go and Edward was calling me. (I had then hurried off to save Jacob's life, but that's another story.)

The biggest problem besides the thirst and the human-people, I had to deal with my strange powers. I didn't understand half of them. I hadn't had them when I was human, so why now? Why show up just to trouble me? It wasn't fair. I was sure I had enough to deal with. My power to block all mental powers--example, Edward's mind-reading--had spread to all physical powers now as well. Jasper had tried to keep me calm, but that hadn't worked. Even when I was changing, he noticed that his effect on me gradually decreased. Alice's power of seeing the future was the only one that still worked on me. I preferred the days when I was forced into being calm. I worried less then. My other powers were even more puzzling. The only thing I could be greatful for was that I didn't have some power to levitate things or something. That would be too much to handle.

But, on the plus side, I was with Edward forever, and I wasn't a klutz anymore--well, mostly. One moment I would be almost as fliud and quick as Alice, and then, after seeing a few humans pass by--smelling the scent of fresh blood--I was completely hung over. The scent of blood was to me like alcohol was to a human. I didn't go out of my way to find it, but when it found me, I crashed hard. I was becoming a bloodoholic, which, I was sure, was the very definition of a vampire.

Jasper would try not to laugh--usually unsuccessfully--whenever I lunged at a person, frightening half to death. I would fake that I was picking something up from the sidewalk--not trying to bite the person--and then I'd say "Oh, look, I dropped my penny," and then carry on my way. It was a bad cover up, but I was much better at lieing than before. My voice was easier to control, so the innocent human didn't suspect a thing. Jasper did, however, and he was quite pleased to not be the only one with troubles keeping their blood-addiction on a low key. I had an excuse though, I was new. I made sure to rub that in once, and that shut him up.

I was becoming more and more aggrivated. Edward took me outside, breath in the air, and tehn going hunting. He showed me his mountain lion hunting skills--which, even as a vampire, still amzed me. I was a little stunned, watching him, but very impressed. He said that he was glad to fullfill that one last human wish. I had rolled my eyes and dropped the subject. The human topic was more and more sensative as the days passed. I didn't like to think about it. Rosalie was still mad at me. She didn't want me to become a vampire, and now I could see why. I wasn't going back--and I wouldn't, even if I had the choice--so there was no use dwelling on it. I tried to make peace with Rosalie, but it was hard when I felt like ripping a few throats out. The temptation of human blood, and the strain of resisting it, was what was aggrivating me.

Animal blood was alright, but it didn't hold the promise that a human's scent's did. I tried bear, on Emmett's suggestion, and found that an irritated grizzly bear was not so bad. Mountain lion was fine, but it didn't suit me either. I tried Jasper's preference, Alice's, Esme's and Carlisle's, but still, nothing. Rosalie wouldn't tell me her secret dish, and she wouldn't let anyone tell me. Edward decided not to rat on her because--his words, not mine--keeping some temorary privacy between Rosalie and me would allow some time for us to get aquainted better, get past the disagreement. I agreed with Edward. How could I not? His effect on me hadn't changed at all.

The thing that had caused me the most turmoil turned out to be the least of my problems. I loved Edward just the same as I always did, maybe more. It was funny--not funny ha-ha, but funny odd--being stronger than him. I didn't have to worry too much about crushing him though, he wasn't weak. I didn't realize how much he had to hold back until I was the one in his shoes. I could hold him, tightly, and actually feel the force of my own hold. I could feel hi struggle against me, to keep my close on his terms. I had never known a kiss, until just yesterday, when my lips touched his.

We had given ourselves completely, not holding back. I was breathless halfway through--and so was he--but we didn't stop, we didn't need air. We only needed each other, and we had that. I had thought that after marriage and marriage aftermath...that I couldn't be closer to Edward, it was impossible, he was already inside me, part of me. I was wrong. After yesterday, I had been so close to Edward, kissing him sweetly and fully, that I thought I was going to cry. It was silly, but my longing for Edward lingered, intensified, from my human life into my vampire life.

I felt so free. I could be with him, and no one could tell us that we were wrong. We were perfectly right. I was happy, and I knew I could resolve all the other new-vampire-life issues with him by my side, just as long as he kept kissing me like that.

The other problems drifted in my mind, focussing and dulling at different times. The most stressful was when I was thirsty. I was anxious to leave Forks, so if I did slip up...No, I couldn't think that way. I wanted to go to Alaska to eat up penguins and polar bears, not the people. Edward would be there to help me. I wouldn't hurt a fly...Maybe a musquito, carrying some small fraction of deliscious flavouring, but that was it. I had one week to go, and then I could say "Alaska, here I come!"

Okay, so Denali. Or anywhere would do. Just not Forks. I had taken a lot from Forks--most of it good--but it was time for a change. I needed to get away from the blood-filled loved ones and friends. It was for the best.

"Bella?"

I had forgotten how long I had been at the window, chin resting on the window sill, croached on the floor. It was twilight now, and I could see clearly into the night as if it were daylight! I could compare my vision only on level to my human knowledge. Seeing at night as a vampire was like seeing in daylight as a human. Seeing in daylight as a human is staring through a black glass jar and trying to see through the other side in comparison to the frequently cleaned clear glass of a vampire's eyesight.

"Hello, Alice," I grinned. "Where have you been all day?"

"Oh, I went to Las Vegas with Jasper," she told me casually.

"Again?" I pouted. "Without me?"

"Bella," she scolded. "You know that would be a very bad idea!"

"I know," I scowled. "But I've never been, and I think it would be neat to go."

Alice seemed to consider my proposal for a second, but then changed her mind. "You can go in a year or so."

"Long wait," I groaned, slinking away from the window and heading for the living room.

"It's worth it," she assured me, his tone ecstatic. "The funniest thing happened! You wouldn't believe what the bus driver did! We decided to take the tour bus, Jasper and I, and this bus driver--Patrick, I think his name was--he was talking about..." She prattled on for an hour about her trip, and I pretended ti listen intently, nodding in all the right places.

It wasn't like I wasn't interested, but I just had other things on my mind. I could hear blood pounding not too far away...at least, not too far vampire running distance. I could walk if I wanted to, it wasn't far. I only wanted a small taste...

"Bella?"

I moved tiredly to respond to my name. "Yes, Alice?"

"Don't think about it," she ordered. "It only makes it worse."

"How can you tell what I'm thinking about?" I asked. She took my hand in hers and watched me seriously, composing her thoughts.

_Because you're staring off in the direction of the town_, she said in her thoughts. _I just asked you five questions and you didn't answer even one_.

"Oh," I frowned. I wished she didn't answer me in her thoughts, it was too personal that way, and I by her saying it only her mind told me that Edward was coming back, but wasn't listing to her thoughts just yet. Usually, he was listing, just to check up on me. I was glad that he wasn't now.

I could read minds, just barely. I couldn't from a distance, I had to be touching, like Aro. Even then, there was a chance I wouldn't hear. My power was very weak, but I thought it better that way. There was already one mind-reader named Cullen. I wasn't going to steal his fame. I would prefer that thoughts remained, always, in the dark.

_Five_, _four_, _three_..Alice counted, her head spinning toward the fonr door. She grinned and shouted "Hey, Edward!" and her thoughts continued to count down. I watched the front door, and followed his graceful movement--too fast for human eyes--speeding toward me. I smiled when his lips brushed my cheek.

"Alice just got back from Vegas," I reported, knowing that no news of my own was interesting.

"Did she?" he mumbled. He seemed distratced--not in a bad way--but in a way that told me that he rather not talk about Alice.

Alice sighed heavily, exaggerated. "You know," she muttered, standing and walking out of the living room aimlessly. "There are some things I rather not see."

I knew what she meant. If I had been human, I would have blushed, but I wasn't human anymore. Instead, I looked down and smiled shyly. Edward hadn't gotten used to the loss of the blush, racing thump of my heart, and the pulse rush, but he was good at pretending he didn't notice. I was grateful for that. It made adjusting easier.

"Edward," I whispered as his lips travelled along my jaw and then neck. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

"No," he mumbled, bringing his eyes up to meet mine. "Do you?"

I shook my head. I stood and grabbed his hand, interlocking our fingers as I dragged him up the stairs to our room.

"You seem distracted," I said. "Anything I can do?"

The door closed behind us and then Edward was close to me again, one arm wrapped tightly around me and the other caressing my cheek. I stood, barely breathing, enjoying the moment.

"How was your day?" he asked, his tone returning to casual.

"Fine," I answered.

He frowned. "Only fine?"

"Well, you weren't here," I explained. "That automatically makes my day duller."

"As was mine," he chanted in his soft, dreamy, velvet voice. "Only fine, because I wasn't with you."

"Good," I cheered. "I was hoping you missed me as much as I missed you. That means you won't mind kissing me like you did yesterday."

His light golden eyes danced with delight. He remembered. I could tell that he had felt the same way that I had felt. He had rushed home just to see me, and just to kiss me like that--I hoped.

"No, I won't mind."

His lips pressed into mine, softly, at first, but then urgency increased. His hands were in my hair and my arms tangled around him. I was glad again to have the bed, our constant movement would be difficult on the couch...or the floor. I wouldn't have minded on the floor or in the air, just as long as it was. I crushed myself into him, struggling to keep him closer and closer. Keeping him a part of me was not difficult, especially when his hands traced my neck and body. I wanted more of him. I wasn't afraid to be greedy. I wrapped my legs around him too, hoping that would satisfy my thirst. It didn't, but I kept trying. I was breathless again, and I flipped my head back, giving Edward an oppertunity to feel his lips down my jaw, my neck, my shoulder...

As long as he kept kissing me, being a vampire would be fine. Nothing could go wrong.

Could it...?


	2. Chapter 2 Scent

Sincerely, Bella Cullen  
Chapter 2

I was glad that—so far—nothing bad had happened. I was completely safe inside the walls of the Cullen's home—and my new home—but more importantly though, the human population was safe from me. That was reassuring.

Sure, it was a little boring from time to time. Edward did have to leave every so often. I didn't mind that, he already felt guilty enough for the both of us. I just wished that those brief moments away from each other wouldn't seem to last so long. It was forever and a day waiting for him. I missed him too much. More than when I was human and he was away for a 'camping trip'. I missed him more because I knew that he was the only one that could protect me from myself—protect me from taking advantage of the weak mortal lives out there, helplessly blood-filled and fragile.

I was stronger than Edward, and he needed to go away to keep his strength up. I understood that. I knew that when I got out of control he had to be able to stop me. I wanted that. I just wished there was some other way—but, unfortunately, there is no delivery service for vampires—not unless you count ordering pizza and drinking up the vital substance of the delivery boy…

I tried that once. The delivery boy had very good smelling blood. I had seen him in town—in one of Edward's many attempts to get me used to ignoring the scent of blood—at the pizza place. He was the only one working. I memorized the number and called it as soon as I was home. Edward didn't understand what I was doing. I told him that I wanted to see how bad human food tastes. He frowned, and tried to figure out the real reason. He only got it until the door bell rang and I answered the door. The scent was good, even Edward had to admit that. Edward sent the boy away—paid him first—all while trying to hold me back. I'm sure the pizza boy thought I was insane—in the literal sense of the word. I couldn't agree with him more.

Edward didn't allow me to do anything after that, and I was thankful for that. We had less than a week before we left—Charlie thought we were gone already—and I wanted to be strong until then. I had to at least get out of Forks before killing anyone. I would have preferred not to kill anyone ever, but I was thinking myself weaker and weaker every day. Blood was too entrancing, too attractive not to want. It was an addiction. Not yet equal to my addiction to Edward, but getting closer. No animal blood would be enough.

It was stupid—I know, I know, I know how stupid am I—but I had too. Edward was out, Alice was with Jasper, Carlisle was at the hospital, Emmett was with Rosalie, and only Esme was in the house. How could I resist the temptation? I could easily escape from her. I had to try—so I did. I heard her call my name—quietly, from a few miles away—just a couple minutes later. I hoped she wouldn't find me. I wasn't in any usual spot, so there was a chance she wouldn't know where I was. I only had a few minutes—or maybe seconds—for Alice's vision to locate me. Edward would rush to my rescue—or rush to scold my rash attempt at freedom. Either one, I had a limited amount of time.

I paid attention to the wind. I knew it was cold and strong, but it felt like nothing. I knew it was cold, I could feel it barely prickle my skin, but it didn't bother me. I saw the branches in the trees tossing wildly, but I didn't budge. I noticed the pull only because of how the green around me moved, otherwise, I probably wouldn't have been able to tell.

I heard shouts, possibly "Help! Somebody, help him!" I was far enough away that if I were a human I wouldn't hear. I decided to check it out, just in case someone did need my help. I wasn't sure what good I would be—especially if the person was injured…and bleeding—but I had to try. I ran to just a few feet away and hid in the bushes.

Sure enough, there was blood.

I wrinkled my nose and tried to remind myself that I did not want the blood. I repeated that over and over again. I do not want the blood, I do not want the blood, I do not want the blood. It wasn't working.

Thing of Edward, I reminded myself. That made is easier. I studied the scene cautiously, deciding if I could turn back, find Esme, and ask for her help. She would have control, she could help them. Or maybe I could wait a little longer, and then Edward would help them. Or…I could help them myself.

There wasn't too much blood. The boy on the ground—maybe nineteen years old—had what looked like a tree branch in his side. He was pinned to the ground. The girl next to him—around the same age—was sobbing, calling for help, and her hands were fluttering around, trying to find some way to help. The boy was conscious, but drifting. I had to help, soon, or else he might die. I couldn't not to anything. I could resist the blood, I had to.

"Hey!" I shouted, running over—at a human pace—to the couple. The girl looked up, half bewildered, half relived. "What happened?" I asked, raising my voice over the wind. "What can I do?"

"Uh, the wind, it knocked a branch, I tried—I don't know what to do," she stuttered. "He's alive, but I can't help him."

She had the same orange hair as Victoria had. I shuddered at the thought, pretending that it was the chill in the wild, whipping, wind that got me. I was thankful that this girl wasn't as feline looking as Victoria. Her face was rounder, and she was incredibly less pale. Her green eyes were tear-filled, and already her freckled cheeks were stained. She was crouched over the boy, her hands now clenched into fists.

"Maybe we should get him to the hospital," I suggested.

"I don't know where it is," she whimpered. "I'm not from around here."

"I could tell," I sighed. "Alright"—I looked over at the boy, who had his eyes closed—"I'll take you. I know where it is. We have to hurry though."

I wasn't sure how I was going to manage. The scent was drowned out—thankfully, by the wind—or at least…I thought it was. It seemed just as strong as it normally would be, without the wind taking it away from me. I guessed that it was because it was exposed. I ignored how delicious it was.

"How will we move him?" she stammered. "I-I'm mean j-just l-look at him!" Her teeth clattered and I could tell by her shivering that the cold was growing. The boy would last too much longer at the human pace we were moving.

"Turn around, close your eyes," I ordered. I could tell she was about to ask why. I narrowed my eyes and then turned back to the boy. "Trust me, you won't like the look or sound of this. It's better if you don't look." Really, I just wanted to move at a quicker pace, but she didn't have to know that.

She nodded her head slowly, and turned around, palms over her eyes. She was shivering more, but sobbing less.

I cracked the branch in half—without moving his arm—and tried to negotiate around the wound. I had learned some brief first aid in my human life, and I knew it was better to leave a pencil in your hand if it ever went through. I wasn't sure about branched though. I decided to yank the branch out of the ground while keeping it in his arm. The branch was really stuck and no human strength would have been able to free him. I, luckily, was pleased to be a helpful little newborn vampire. The branch was easy to lift away for me. The only crunch was me trying to shorten the long, thick branch to a more manageable length.

"There," I said, loud enough for her to hear over the wind. "Now, let's go."

"I can't carry him!" she cried. "I sprained my ankle!"

I rolled my eyes—not that she saw it—at the fragility of humans. I had no idea how Edward had been so patient with me.

"I'll carry him, let's go."

I was glad to carry him. His body—warm with it's life substance—was light enough with my new strength. His blood—pumping in a strange pattern because of the injury and loss—was inviting to me. The strong scent I noticed before was increasingly more tempting. His veins were close enough to my skin that I could almost feel the blood brush against me. I closed my eyes—walking hurriedly beside the scampering human girl—and listened to his arteries now. The blood was beautiful. The scent was captivating, and I wasn't sure I could resist much longer.

I heard the sound I was hoping to hear, the only sound that could save me. I didn't turn my head around, I walked quicker and waited—arms pushed far away from me—for Edward to take the bleeding body away from me. I didn't wait long, Edward understood perfectly.

"Who-who are you?" the girl gasped. "Where did you…?"

"He was with me when I heard your shouts," I said, backing away from Edward and the body he was carrying. "Edward, why don't you run ahead, you have the car, right?"

Edward nodded. "You two hurry after me, alright? I'm sure your friend will be expecting you, Miss." He had been speaking to the girl, but I noticed his eyes flash toward me. He looked worried. I'm sure he was wondering if I would drink the girl's blood now.

"Just go, we'll be fine," I assured him. I stepped a little ways from the girl just to be cautious. Edward nodded again, and smiled when I did. He was going to trust me. "Thanks you," I said, for both the trust and the hurriedness.

Edward ran—at a human pace—to the tree-line. After that, when the girl could no longer see him, he used his full speed. I was thankful for that. The strong-scented blood had been unbearable to resist. Now I had no open blood to distract me—except the small amount on my hand. It was tempting, but I did not lick it off. I knew that would bring up too many questions from the girl.

"So, a tree branch fell?" I questioned. "…from the wind? It is a pretty strong gust out there today."

"Yeah," she murmured. She was clearly terrified and her eyes were wide. "Cold too," she commented, trying to mirror my light-hearted tone. "I think it was a bad idea to go camping. I knew it was going to be windy and cold, but Damien couldn't agree to that. He said it was best to go before we left. I wanted to go straight back to Seattle after visiting his family. But did we, no?"—she closed her eyes and fought back more tears—"I think that this is just another sign." She sighed and opened her eyes.

I slowed my pace a slight when we pushed through the tree-line maneuvered through the green, I knew she would have a tough time hiking through.

"…A sign?" I was truly curious now, and my tone made that apparent.

She looked at me, deciding how much she should tell a stranger that possibly just saved her Damien's life. She seemed to decide to tell me every thing. I was glad for that.

"Damien proposed to me a week ago," she explained. "We wanted to tell our families in person. His sister and his parents are here. We already told my family about the plans, the date of the wedding, where it is…the whole thing. They're not really invited. We want to go to Las Vegas, make it small, you know?"—she turned to me after I had managed to stifle the laughter and nodded a few times—"As I said, we came here last. He likes camping and stuff. I'm alright with it, but I haven't done anything like this in years. He suggested it and I went along for the ride. Why not, you know?"

"I wanted a Las Vegas wedding," I sighed. "That didn't turn out. I had to go fancy for the family."

"You're married?" she grinned weakly, still shaken from her husband-to-be's accident.

"That was my husband," I told her. "My husband is the one who showed up in the nick of time." And boy was I glad he did, or else I might have ruined another wedding.

"Oh," she smiled sweetly, looking relived. "He was very…nice looking."

I had to laugh at that. It seemed that all mortal girls had to same reaction, married or single or about-to-be married. They all saw that nice-looking aspect of Edward. They never say underneath the handsome surface to the even part of him, behind the skin and fangs. I was likely. I had the chance to see.

"You are too," she said suddenly. "I have to say, not everyone can look dazzling in a storm like this."

"It's in the genes," I lied. I was happy to hear that I did look stunning, even just a little bit. I was a little closer to Edward's level now. That made things easier. I finally had that balance.

"Lucky," she sighed heavily. "Sometimes I wondered if Damien would be better off without me, because I wasn't…pretty…enough. Now that we're engaged, I feel better about that."—she lowered her gaze to the ground—"He's just so…perfect. I'm lucky to have him."

"I'm sure he feels the same," I said sweetly. I was astounded to have found my parallel life. She was exactly like me, only human still. "Trust me, I speak from experience."

"But you're beautiful, you can match up with your love," she told me, sounding frantic. "I look like little orphan Annie all grown up!"

I laughed. "You look beautiful," I assured her. "Especially to him, I'm sure." I tried not to sound too surprised.

Sure, I wasn't so self-centered that I thought tat I was the only one in the world who had self-esteem issues, but it was strange too hear. I wanted to sound comforting. She needed to be calm considering what she had just seen. Having your husband-to-be injured left room for too much panic. Assuring her that her hold on him was unbreakable was the least I could do after considering killing him for a split second.

"I don't know."

"I felt the same thing you did once," I sighed. I still felt that way, but not as much. Edward and I were just a little closer to being equal. Before, even though he didn't think so, I was sure that were just as opposite as the sun and the moon. We just happened to cross paths and I was changed forever. His gravity pulled me in, hooked me, and now I was part of him and him of me. I knew what this girl was feeling, just slightly, and I hoped I could help.

"That's hard to believe," she groaned. "God, what am I going to do?"

"He'll be fine," I promised. "My husband's father is a doctor here. I can tell you from personal experience that he takes good care of his patience. Trust me," I grinned sheepishly, remembering my numerous injuries in the past. "I've been to see him enough in the past. Your...Damien...he'll be fine."

"Oh..., alright," she mumbled. She didn't look convinced, but she wanted to believe, and that was enough to quiet her protests.

"By the way, what's your name?" I asked, smiling in a way that I hoped was sweetly or encouraging.

"Marcie," she told me. "Marcie Hewell. You?"

"Bella Swa--I mean Bella Cullen," I said. It was one of those moments that I would blush if I were human.

"Oh, so you were recently married," she realized. "How recently?"

"A week or so," I muttered.

"Wow, congratulations!" she cheered, somewhat forgetting the shock that was caused by the storm.

"Thanks," I simpered. "I wish I wouldn't forget that my last name has changed. I'm sure it would offend him to hear--not that he would say anything."

"Oh."

We didn't speak again until we were out of the trees. I was glad it took less than half an hour. I was afraid that a long silence alone--her blood pounding from exhausting herself emotionally and physically--would bother me too much. I didn't want to kill her, and too much quiet time on my hands would ruin me. Quiet would only heighten the sound of her pulse.

We reached the road though, and she allowed me to lead her in the direction of the hospital. I knew it was a long walk--for her--and wondered if offering to get another car would be a good idea. I thought about it, but I decided against it. The Cullen house was probably an equal distance--maybe even farther--than the distance to the hospital. I would rather wait with her in the hospital than face _them_.

I didn't want to think about them, my family, but I had to so I could preoccupy my mind. I thought about how betrayed Esme would look, how her motherly disposition seemed to have spread to me, becoming my second mother. She wouldn't be happy about my escape. Neither would Alice upon seeing her vision of me running into the forest, smelling blood and hearing shouts. I wondered if she had seen me killing them. Maybe Edward's appearance was merely to prevent me from drinking an innocents blood. I hoped he was there only to help me or bring me back. I would hate for Alice to have seen me making the biggest mistake of my new life. Although, Jasper would be happy. He'd win the bet against Emmett.

I spoke to the girl--Marcee Hewell--and tried to find out things about her, keep her talking to disract me. I found out that she was twenty-one, a year younger than her husband-to-be. She had been attending some college in Washington, not too far from Seattle, when he met Damien. They were apparently taking the same biology course. I made myself sound interested in that, even though biology didn't mean much to me. She took the bait and dove into the subject. She even kept talking when she had told me every thing that I could possibly understand with little scientific knowledge. She was was fair and said that she could tell that what she was saying was way over my head. I thanked her and asked her to tell me more about Damien, how she met him, how he proposed. She was less eager to talk about that, nervous, almost.

"Do you love him?" I asked.

She blushed. "Yes."

"How did you meet him, exactly?"

"I bumped into him, literally," she explained. "I was running late for another class and I was sure I wouldn't make it in time. The class was on the other side of the campus. I ran into Damien, dropped my books everywhere, and I'm sure I scared him half to death."--she took a minute to catch her breath, simpering as her heart beat slowed to a more normal rate--"I must have apologized a thousand times. He said it was fine, but I just kept at it..."--she sped up, taking heavier steps--"He helped me pick my books up, sweet as he is. We recognized each other from class and then were on our way. We continued to meet like that--only without me dropping my books--for a while. He asked me out after a month of that."

I could picture her small-frame scampering on campus, bumping into...the boy who's face I hadn't seen too clearly...I wondered if he was like Edward, calm and cool, realizing how shy this girl he met was. I wondered if this Damien was just as shy. I hadn't seen much of him, so it was hard to tell. He sounded brave enough to ask her out--and ask her to marry him--but I wasn't sure about anything else.

"Nothing really interesting beyond that," she frowned. "He asked me to marry him the next year, this year. That's that."

I didn't like Marcie as much as I did at the beginning of her story. She sounded unconvinced of my assurances, frantic, and she didn't seem to enjoy her own story. She didn't like her life, so it seemed. I wondered if her Damien was just as dull. Or maybe I wasn't reading enough into her words. Maybe she was worrying again and I had missed the hint.

"Look," she said on an inhale. "I really appreciate your help--really, I do--but let's not get too personal."--she turned toward me, half sneering half trying to look sweet--"I don't like to talk to strangers, alright? Silly, I know, but I'm not into conversation. Small talk, big talk, medium talk. None of it appeals to me. I don't relate to people well. I just want Damien to be fine and then I'm leaving. I don't want to make any friends in this small town."

I would have flinched, but I was staring at her too sourly to react to that degree.

Small town. She hated Forks, as I once had. I could understand. She was a city girl, as I once was. I would miss the city--but I could see it again in a year or so, after my craving for blood had dulled. I wouldn't ever be like her though. Marcie hated Forks because it was small town. I, as of recently, saw it as my home. I loved Forks. There were too many memories here to hate it. The bad memories would linger, and that's one of the reasons I was leaving with Edward. The good memories, however, could be taken with me wherever I went. Edward was my good memory. He would remind me of all the good things while I was off in Alaska trying to learn how to not drink away human life.

"That's fine," I grinned. I hoped I didn't look too sour when I spoke. I wanted to comfort her. She was probably just snappy because of the accident. Worry could do that to a person. I would know, I had been that person swamped with worry too many times. "Let me know if you change your mind," I offered. "Conversation can help keep the worry at bay." I made sure that friendship wasn't in the offer. I kept my expression stiff. She got that.

"I rather not," she grimaced.

I smiled sweeter now, assured that I wouldn't have to deal with her much longer. I had a sudden feeling of regret. I wished that her annoying voice would get out of my head. I could only hear her voice saying: "You should have killed me, Bella. It would have been easier." I agreed with the voice. My regret was for allowing her to live. Her blood smelled incredibly good for someone who I loathed so quickly.

The hospital was close. I just had to hold myself back. _Think of Edward_, I reminded myself.

"It's not far now," I said. "We're already in the main part of town."

"Yeah, I see that."

"Are you still worried?"

"Yes."

"It'll be alright," I assured her again. "I promise, every thing is fine. Damien will heal perfectly."

We arrived at the hospital with no further conversation. I was glad not to hear her soft, frantic, high-pitched voice again. I had been hoping never to hear her voice again after her--what seemed to be--distaste for me. I equally disliked her. I almost wished that I had drank her blood. It would have been better than listening to her. I was relieved to see Edward in the waiting room. I rushed to him to escape from Marcie.

"Edward," I cooed, hugging him tightly. "Thanks for the rescue."

"What were you thinking?" His velvet voice was strained. He had been worried. "Why did you run off?"

"I'm sorry." I was sorry, and I was happy to hear him scolding me, even if it wasn't on purpose.

"Bella, you make it increasingly harder for me to leave you," he frowned. "I want to trust you, and I do trust you, but why did you run off? Should we leave earlier, since you can't remain cooped up in the house for another minuted never mind four more days?"

Four more days? I hadn't realized the date was so close. I had asked to stay for an extra while, just to get used to my own--new--skin. It had nothing to do with nostalgia. I just wanted time to be around those I cared for before taking off. Edward had granted that and said that it gave him more time to get affairs in order. The human world needed enough excuse to why we were somewhere else while we were supposed to be in someplace else. Charlie thought I was in college, but that was an impossibility. Too much blood in too many students.

"It's hard," I sighed sadly. "Not having you around--it gets a little lonely. I didn't mean to get into trouble. I just wanted some fresh air."

"Lonely?" he repeated. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"It's not your fault," I argued. "This was all my choice, remember?"

"But the Volturi forced this on you," he reminded me. I shivered at their name. "You're still so human, Bella."

I looked up to see him smiling, his eyes bright. I smiled shyly and was glad for my lack of blushing abilities. I looked downward and away. I avoided his eyes for a second. I realized, looking back at Marcie that I might have crossed the room too quickly. My conversation with Edward was so quick that Marcie hadn't crossed the room yet. I pushed off Edward and remembered the reason we were here. I didn't question him until Marcie was close enough to hear.

"So how is he?" I asked, loud enough for her human ears.

"He's going to live," he answered, eyes not leaving me. "It's a good thing Bella found you when she did, and a good thing I was close by."

"Only live?" she asked. "Is there permanent damage?"

"It's a possibility," Edward replied, looking at Marcie now. "There's a chance he'll never use his right arm again."

"Why?" she shrieked. She was instantly quieted when a nurse gave her a cold look when crossing behind Edward and I. "Tell me what's happening," she begged. "Is he conscious? Where is he now? Just, please, tell me every thing."

Edward looked at me, and I at him. I nodded once and simpered. He seemed anxious to answer, probably with me so close. I wondered if I was at fault for not doing enough to save Marcie's Damien.

"The branch was in the ground and Bella pulled it out in a way that...dislodged the bones," he explained, which sent a guilty expression over my face and caused Marcee to scowl eviliy at me. "It was lucky that she was able to get him free, but unlucky that she wasn't a medic. Then she could have done to properly. He'll live though, thanks to her."

"What did you do?" she snapped at me. I was stunned. "You told me to turn around because it would disturb me," she recounted. "What did you really do? I heard the branch snap but nothing else!"--her eyes narrowed incredulously--"You had no idea what you were _doing_!" She balled her hands and her newly formed fists shook at her sides. She looked at Edward and immediately her face paled. "I appreciate your help," she thanked. "You can go whenever." Then, she directed herself to the front office, and a nurse sent her into the waiting room.

"I...didn't mean to," I mumbled. I was close to sobbing, but no tears came. "I wasn't sure whether to leave it in...or what...I had to do something, anything..."

"Bella, it's okay," Edward hushed, wrapping me in his firm hold. "You did great, perfectly. You saved his life. It's a good thing you escaped the Cullen household prison," he chuckled. "You did good today. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," I half mumbled, half laughed. "But it's not a prison, Edward. It's a home, my home now. I'm just not used to it yet."

"Take all the time you need," he told me, his voice getting softer and quieter as he spoke. "Another thing, I'm impressed."

"Impressed? Why?" I had no idea how I could have impressed him from being an escapee who damaged a guy's arm and nearly killed an innocent camping couple out in the woods.

"All that blood," he answered. "It was a good scent too. Could you tell?" I nodded. It was the best scent I had ever experienced in my short vampiric-life. "It was everywhere, but you didn't touch a drop. That takes a lot."

"I must be getting the hang of this," I chirped hopefully. "Other than that one pizza guy..." I didn't have to finish. Edward chuckled and I knew that I was forgiven, and that was a sign that he didn't want me to feel guilty anymore. "Not as good as my scent though, right?" I asked.

"No." He took my face in his hands and pulled me back to look me in the eye. "Never as good as your scent."

"Too bad," I frowned. "I would like to understand how tempting I was."

"I hope that you will never have to experience that."

"We'll see," I murmured. Edward was going to respond, but Carlisle appeared too quickly.

"Normally, I would ask you to get out of here before you're noticed," Carlisle said, sounding grim. "However, the patient is conscious, stable, and wants to thank you Bella."

I pointed my self. "Me?"

Carlisle smiled. "Yes, you."

I inhaled deeply, raised my shoulders high and then shrugged. "Sure, why not."

"Follow me," Carlisle directed. He lead me through the hall, past doors, with Edward at my side, holding my hand. "In here." Carlisle gestured to the door on my right. I took another deep breath and allowed him to show me in--us in, Edward was always with me.

I knew it was a mistake before anything else. Before I shoved my head away into Edward's shoulder, long before I clasped my hand to my mouth and pinched my nose shut. Before the scent infected my senses and forced the feeling into a craving, I knew.

The scent was delicious, mouth-watering. I fought myself to look away. I wanted to search for it, find it, taste it. I exhaled all of my air and shut my mouth tightly. That's when I pushed myself into Edward's shoulder. I didn't want him to worry, so I tried to convince him that it wasn't the scent that got me.

"I didn't think blood would make me sqeamish anymore," I lied. "It's still not a pleasant sight. There's too much of it."

"Trust me, Bella," he said, seeming to believe my charade. "Hospitals are no picnic for vampires or humans."

"Yeah," I agreed. I turned my head around and didn't breath. I hoped Edward wouldn't notice. Big mistake.

"If the scent it too much for you, Bella," he whispered. "We can turn back, before he wakes again."

"Is he alseep?" I asked, forcing my eyes on him. The smell of Damien's blood lingered, but I pushed it to the back of my mind to look at him.

I studied him, Damien. He was handsome, just as Marcie had said. He was humanly handsome though. His body was toned, slender. His hair was dark brown, his skin as pale as mine had been when I was human. I realized that he might be that colour because of lack of blood.

"Carlisle," I murmured. "Does his fiance know that he was awake?" If there was a human witness here, I would be less likely to kill.

"I was just about to tell her," he told me. "I'll go now. I expect he'll be awake in less than thirty seconds." He then slipped quietly from the room.

"It would be best to leave before his fiance arrives," Edward advised. "She did not seem to pleased with you. I don't want her to try and insult you again."

"Edward," I smiled, pleased to have Edward to distract me. "She has the right to be on edge."

"She has no right to"--He was stopped, I cut him off.

"Edward, please," I laughed, holding his face in my hands and leaning up to kiss him once, lightly, on his lips. "I took no offense," I lied. "Now, he'll wake up and he'll thank me. We can leave straight away after that. Okay?"

Edward nodded and I turned my attention to the sleeping body--the one with the tempting scent. I swallowed hard, trying to keep the mouth-watering at a minimum. Sure enough though, after thirty or less seconds, his eyelids flipped. I stood closer to the bed, moving slowly, so not to frighten him. I smiled, trying to seem friendly. His eyes opened wider. His heart pounded for a minute, sending a fresh wave of reminder that his appealing blood was still inside him, ripe for the taking.

"Hi," I greeted. "I'm Bella. I happened to find you in the forest." And I happened to almost drink your blood when I saw you there.

"Oh, yeah," he laughed. His voice was weak, missing the humor, but he was hooked up to a million machines and tubes. Good humor waned under those circumstances. "I wanted to thank you, personally," he remembered. "I really appreciate you saving my life."

"My pleasure," I assured him. "I wished I could have done more. Your arm...What a terrible storm." A terrible storm that injured you and caused your beautiful blood to be openly exposed.

"Yeah, who would have thought," he groaned. "Marcie was right."

"Your fiance," I stammered. "She'll be right in, by the way. The doctor just went to get her."

_Please hurry_, I thought. Damien's scent was so strong and being cramped in a tiny room with him was of no help. I needed a witness. Edward's presence was only barely keeping my instinct to devour every last drop of Damien's blood at bay. I had to breath less, which, was uncomfortable.

"Oh, good, thanks," he grimaced. "How mad is she?" He studied my expression while I debated what to tell him. I had snapped out of my try-not-to-kill-him train of thought and hopped back into my I-dislike-Marcie train. "Be honest," he laughed, his voice was deep and soft. "I'm sure she was hell of a company over here, she gets irritated easily. Marcie doesn't like seeing me in hospitals, and it happens too often."

"Oh," I smiled sheepishly. "Well, then, yes. Yes, she was a bit angry--or...irriated, as you put it."

"Thanks for the head's up," he sighed. "That's the other reason I was hoping to see you. I had to have someone be honest with me about whether or not Marcie was going to kill me."

"She won't kill you," I assured him. "She's worried, I'm sure."

I watched his face morph from an attempt at good-humor to sadness. He seemed much more human than that banshee that was his fiance. I didn't get how someone like him could propose to a girl like her. He was also, as Marcie pointed out, very good-looking. He was a little too pretty boy for me, but he was still handsome. He was manly looking as well, mature. Marcie had the same mature look about her as well, except she wasn't as slender as Damien was.

"Let's go," Edward whispered in my ear. I nodded once sharply.

"We have to go," I told Damien. "I hope that you get better soon. Dr. Cullen will take good care of you, I swear."

"I trust him." Damien smiled at me, looking weary as I turned to leave.

_What a beautiful_..._it doesn't matter though, I have Marcie_.

I spun my head around, too quick for a human movement, and startled Damien. His blood pumped and his flesh reddened underneath the pale. Every muscle tightened in my body. The urge to pounce was unbearable. Damien's scent was intolerable. It was hard to describe, other than mouth-watering. It was sweet but also salty, and juicy. I wanted it. My expression tightened as I tried to smile and remain normal-looking. The blush sent too strong a wave though, and my body prepared to rush toward Damien, to quench my thirst. Edward grabbed me immediately, grabbing my arms and pulling me out of the room too quickly for any human eyes to catch. He shut the door behind me, and I panted to catch my breath.

I was sure that Edward was speaking to me, but I couldn't focus. I could hear blood pounding every where, and imagining Damien's blood in my mouth was too tempting. I was captivated by the salty-sweet. It called out to me, beckoning me, begging me to have some of it. Just as taste would do, right? _No_, _I had to have it all_. I couldn't let anything or anyone stop me.

No, no, no, I thought. Remember Edward, I reminded myself. I forced myself to look at him, barely able to wrench my eyes from the door. Edward was wide-eyed and worried. I realized that I was smiling with a wild expression plastered on my face. My face fell when I looked at him looked deeply into his eyes, his desperate, sad eyes.

"I have to get out of here," I gasped. "I can't take it." I closed my eyes and froze still. I felt sickening relief when Edward's arms closed around me.

"Can you walk out?" he asked.

"Yes."

I supported all my weight against him, all while fighting the urge to turn back around for Damien's blood. I was sick, feeling and psychologically. I wanted Damien's blood, and that was sick. I craved Damien's blood, and not having it made me sick.

"How come she was allowed to see him before I was?" squawked what I realized was Marcie's frantic pitch.

I kept my eyes closed and my expression guarded until the wind prickled my skin and I realized we were outside. Edward scooped me up after that. I his my face, buried it in his shoulder. I would have cried, except it was impossible for a vampire and I was too guilty to cry. I didn't deserve to let out my anxiety in tears. That was for humans, not blood-sucking failures. I wasn't very good at being a Cullen it seemed. I couldn't resist the scent of blood. I couldn't allow some boy to thank me without wanting to suck him dry. I was hopeless.

I didn't unhid my face when the wind stopped. I didn't want to face the inside of the Cullen's house. I knew what expressions lingered there. I could expect Edward to assure me that it wasn't my fault, and maybe Alice would too. Jasper would try to calm me to no avail. Emmett might try to make me laugh. Rosalie would sit there, or silently think to herself 'I told you so'. Esme would be caring and assure me, but it wouldn't work. My vampire family was much better at this than I was. The smells were easier for them. I was incapable.

I tuned into the conversation that was happening around me when Edward's voice reached my ears.

"I don't understand what happened," he was saying. "One minute she seemed fine with it, like he was just another human."

"She's a better actress than you give her credit for," Alice chimed grimly.

"It's unfortuneate that this happened to her so quickly."

I recognized the last voice, but I couldn't put a name to the face.

"Oh well," the unnamed voice said. "At least I win the bet."

That was Jasper.

"Not yet," I crowed, hopping out of Jasper's arms. "I haven't done anything yet!"

Alice put her hand on my shoulder. "We know, Bella. And I'm...sure that you won't."

I couldn't breath when I heard that. I hid my eyes. She wasn't certain. Alice couldn't determine whether or not I would fail. She had only faith in me, where as I didn't. I had been on Jasper's side, but I was stubborn enough to try and keep away from the blood. Maybe Alice's faith was well placed--or maybe not. I wasn't sure.

I didn't reply. I didn't speak to any of them. I faced out the window and wondered what I was looking for. I was getting darker, and already I was sure that the gloom would linger. It was going to be another night. The twilight was fast approaching. I laughed.

"Bella?"

Edward slid his arms around me. His lips were at my ear, waiting, unsure what to say.

"It's funny," I said coldly. I laughed, this time, without humor. "It's dark, but I still can't see the stars."

I could tell he was confused, but it was better that way. I loosened his grip and stood away from me, his arms still touching me. I grinned coldly and laughed once.

"Darkness is so predictable," I quoted. He frowned upon remembering our conversation from long ago, from a simpler age.

I closed my eyes, but the only thing behind them was memories. Good times, bad times, all in Forks. My human life was drifting from me, barely a whisper. The scent was lingering and bold, it stayed, louder than shouting. It echoed and pushed the good times aside, the bad times too. I could only picture Damien, helpless, and ready for the taking. I couldn't resist the smile that spread my lips. I couldn't resist the urge. I had to go.

I was gone in a flash, before any of my family could react. I hadn't realized that I was going. I was just gone, so suddenly. I didn't have time to think about it. Instinct took over and I knew that I was heading toward the hospital. I wondered, whilst racing down dim streets, what Carlisle would do to stop me. Would he be there to try? Or would he be seeing another patient? Either way, I didn't care if he was in my way.

I slowed down when I was in the hospital parking lot. My thoughts caught up to me. I couldn't understand why I had ran. It was stupid, sick. How could I even think that? I had to turn around before more rash ideas came to me.

I could smell the blood. The hospital was filled with it's sweet aroma. I pondered over whether or not just walking through the doors the sample the air's smell would be safe. I didn't have time to decide. My instinct kicked in when the doors opened and a rush of the now familiar scent caught me. I rushed in without a second thought.

I nearly swooned with delight. The exhilarating feeling of being so close to so much blood was overwhelming. The one perfect scent, however, was all I was after. I followed it, moving at such speeds that the human populace thought I was some strange breeze. I stopped outside his door.

I debated. My mind wasn't working, it was blank. Some portion of my mind understood what I was about to do, and knew that I should stop. The problem was, the question left unanswered was 'why'. Why couldn't I taste the succulent aroma, see if the taste matched? Why couldn't I? What was holding me back? Oh, I knew what. Edward was holding me back. Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, and even Charlie. I was sure that, other than the bet, Jasper was wanting to hold me back as well. But why? It wouldn't hurt to sample it. It was the role of a vampire. It was my role.

The door swung open--by means of my hands--and closed behind me. I smiled cooly at Damien. He was awake. I heard his thoughts when he spotted me.

_Why is she back?_ he asked. _Is she checking up on me?_ And other questions popped into his mind.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hey," I repeated.

Marcie is out right now and I was beginning to wonder how much longer I would be shut up in here alone," he conversed. His voice was calm, unsuspecting. "Were you sent to check in on me?"

"Something like that," I answered. I sent myself.

"I see," he mumbled slowly, noticing how increasingly closer I had gotten. "You alright?"

"Never better," I cheered. Every part of me tensed, ready for what pleasure awaited me.

"Bella, right?"

I nodded, coming closer still.

"I'm Damien, but I'm sure you knew that." He laughed. His laugh was hearty, human, but still frail from shock of my appearance.

"Yes, I knew."

I stopped at his bed side. His heart doubled a beat. I smiled wider at that. He didn't understand. I wondered what he was thinking, but I couldn't concentrate on that. I had a one-track mind and it wouldn't be side-tracked for the purpose of perfected my new powers.

"Ah, that smell," I chuckled under my breath. "So..._good_."

"Excuse me?" His emotions were strewn across his face, torn between flattery and disgust.

"Don't worry," I assured him. "You don't have to understand." I leaned forward, caressed Damien's arm to push the sleeve aside.

The door opened and I immediately recognized the presence their, but it was too late. My teeth bit into the flesh, cutting it deeply, and I gulped back the blood by the gallon. The more I drank, the more I wanted. I heard him scream for and instant, but I switched over to his neck, breaking it with the force of my bite. The blood was everywhere now. I was more thirsty than before. I refused to leave a single drop. Animal blood? Ha! How could anyone resist such an alluring offer? It was a delicacy that I had never known before, and now, I hoped it would stay always.

The blood was all gone, and I couldn't understand why the room was shaking so. I realized it was me. I jumped off the now still corpse.

"Bella," was said, in a weak voice. I couldn't face him.

"No, no, no," I gasped. "No, no, no, how could I--_no_!"

"Bella." His voice was soft, but stricken, rough.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I whispered. It took me another minute to speak again. "I'm so sorry." I didn't give him time to say anything more. "I can't stay in Forks any longer," I told him.

"We'll leave right away," he agreed.

I didn't face him when I spoke. "No," I disagreed. "You can stay if you want to. I won't force what I am on you anymore. I can't do this. I'm a failure."

"Bella," he cooed, reaching for me, his voice still strained.

"No!" I shouted, my throat rough and just as hoarse as his was. "I have to go alone, I can't stay. Edward, you and your family are wonderful. I wish I would never leave you, but I can't help that."--I pushed past him to the doorway--"If I ever manage to get better at this, I'll come back."

"Bella!" he called. I was sure he said something else, but I was too far gone to hear.

Something could go wrong, and it had. So, the only solution, the only option available, was to run away. I had to get away from all humans. I had to learn to be myself again. I wanted to be with Edward, and his family--my family--but I knew I couldn't face him knowing what I had done, what I could do again. I had to live away from him, from them, before I did something unforgivable. I was glad though, for one thing. At least now Jasper had won the bet, and I was sure he had been betting against Alice. The impossible was possible. Maybe that meant that I could learn to adapt.

The hope was small, but there.

I had to leave though, go far, far, far away from the only love I had ever known...Edward and my family. I had to go to the darkest place there was, somewhere so dark that the stars were forced to appear. The hope would be small, forced, but there. Edward could live without me, for at least a short while. If he had to, he would come looking for me. By then, I hoped, I would be in control.


	3. Chapter 3 Stranger

_Sincerely, Bella Cullen  
Chapter 3_

Stupid. That was the only word to describe it.

No, that was a lie. Idiotic, egocentric, cocky, evil, and foolish also worked too.

I continued to run, even when the wind pushed against me—although, again, only the movement of the trees beside me told me there was a strong wind. I hardly noticed the resistance. I was in no hurry to face off against another force, especially one such as nature, but I needed an escape. Running away seemed to be the only solution.

I remembered scolding Jacob for running away once. It was a distant memory now, but there, ever present. I knew that I would have feelings for Jacob for forever, but I didn't realize what bad timing had to do with it—bad timing because I already loved someone else. Bad timing because I didn't need a reminder that racing farther from my problems put no distance between me and them. The problems would come with me, no matter where I went—and, I would be hurting those I left behind, especially one particular person, _him_.

I was back to a can't-call-him-by-name standing. It hurt me to be parted from me, parted from that huge part of my self, my life, but I had to. Looking back hurt even more, knowing that I was a failure and a disappointment, knowing that I had killed someone.

He wouldn't see it that way, or at least he would convince me otherwise. I didn't want him too. It wasn't right. I had taken the life of an innocent man and there was no turning back, no room for forgiveness. The girl, Marcie, that I had hated so now deserved to hate me. Her Damien was gone from her life. How could she forgive me? I had killed her love.

I couldn't imagine if someone took him away from me. The Volturi had come close and maybe even James or Victoria had been close—I wouldn't know because he would never tell me if it was too much an effort for him. He wanted to protect me from worry. It was too late for that though. I was way passed worry and onto a field called guilt, just passed through the veil of despair. Guilt was the only emotion left in me. Bitter, _bitter_, guilt. I didn't have a right to despair or sadness or any other emotion. I wasn't human Bella anymore—I wasn't Bella.

Who was I then? I didn't know. I didn't care. I just had to keep going, moving, never stopping.

I stopped running. I scanned my surroundings. Where was I? Never mind who, the where was important. I was curious about the landscape. It was cold, snow-covered, and the wind snapped, howled, and whipped around. I had travelled far, I realized. Maybe I was in Alaska.

That sent me running again, Alaska. I didn't want to go there. Anywhere familiar, anywhere with people who knew the Cullens'…anywhere they could track me down—I had to leave that kind of place alone. I couldn't allow them to find me. I had to be alone.

I wasn't sure that I was headed in the right direction—if there was a right direction—but I knew that anyplace that wasn't Alaska or Forks was fine. I couldn't go to Seattle or L.A. or where Rene was. I had to find a new place. Or maybe I could just keep moving, never settle. That might do the trick.

That was my plan for now, to just head off into the sunset. Cheesy, maybe, but it was all I had to hope for, an escape with a possible fairytale ending. Movies started off all the time with the heroine or hero causing an accidental death. This could be just like that. I hoped.

The snow was falling quickly, drifting from the sky like billions of frozen paper bits, being cut up by dancers in the clouds. Each little dancer pranced from cloud-top to cloud-top, chasing me, dropping the cut paper-bits on my lashes, hair and everywhere else. They were either mocking me or reminding me that the only place with hope wasn't any real place at all, it was a person, it was him. They were mocking me. They knew I wouldn't go back there.

The snowflakes followed me for miles, only breaking up after I reached some prairie, and then after I left that place, the strong gale started again. I continued in a jog across the forest-line, hiding closer in the bushes when a road appeared out of the thick de-leaved trees. I wondered where I was going many times, but there was no one to ask, and nobody to listen that would care. I kept moving, hoping to find something to motivate me. I was on a mission after all, I had made a promise.

I had promised to learn some self-control and that was exactly what I was going to do. I had no idea how, but I was determined. I was going to learn to be a Cullenized vampire and not a blood-thirsty, murdering, evil vampire. I could do that, and then I could go back home.

I would never forgive myself, but I would go back.

I soon caught the scent of a small town, or at least, I guessed it was small town because of the low amount of heartbeats. I could hear the rushing blood. Someone was either running or very nervous.

I entered the town by means of the road. A man on a jog passed me, giving no gesture of greeting, he hadn't seen me. I didn't want to startle him, so I went without a greeting as well. I didn't know him, so why would I? I wanted to go unnoticed, not go around making new friends that I could kill later.

There was a clutter of old, small houses. They looked like they had been there since the 1920s, maybe earlier. They were very old. Only the rare spotting of a lawn ornament—a plastic bird on a metal pole or a scatter of fake flowers amongst real ones—gave clue that this town was modern, not a portal back in time.

There was one person out, a girl, younger than me. She walked up the sidewalk that was ahead of me. I was curious where I was, so I decided to ask her.

"Excuse me?"

She looked up, shocked that I would speak to her—me, a stranger.

"I'm sorry to be a bother," I grinned sheepishly. "But, I was hitch-hiking and got a little sidetracked. Could you tell me where I am?"

"Terrace Bay," she answered in a low, shy voice.

"Never heard of that…," I mumbled. I peered around again. "I am in…Canada, right?"

She giggled nervously. "Yeah, where else would you be?"

"Could you tell me what province I am in?"

"Ontario," she replied, looking bored now. She had been expecting a different personality based on my looks, but she was now satisfied that I was safe, aka boring.

"Thank you," I smirked. I probably had been in Alaska. I had ran away from Forks, ran away from Alaska, and now I was in Canada. That was remote enough for me. Why not try my hand at keeping people alive here? It was a small town, just like Forks. I could adjust, right?

I continued on my way, not looking back at the girl. She hadn't moved. I wondered if she was staring after me, curious as to how a hitch-hiker might end up in her town. She did move when I was a safe distance away—crossed the road and onto the next sidewalk—and she was relieved to have me gone. I knew because she relaxed and her pulse decreased.

I wandered around aimlessly, running into a few people here and there, but no one greeted me other than an old lady, a grandmother maybe, who was on her way to church. She said a "Hello" in a small voice. I said the same back with a smile to match hers. I listened to a heart beat coming from behind the church. It was beating horridly fast, panicked.

"Father, forgive me for I have sinned it has been…fuck, how long…since my last confession…?" the voice said that belonged to the frantic heart beat. "I have broken the sixth commandment"—the voice continued—"No, no, no! That sounds all wrong…"

That's when I noticed the other heart, faint and small, in the exact spot she was. A little heart beat small enough for a child, or…

I hadn't killed anyone yet, so I took that as a good sign. I hadn't even thought about it. That was also a very, very good sign. I had to tempt myself though, just to test my limit.

There was a boy racing around the corner on his bike, he hadn't seen me yet. He was looking down, adjusting something on his handle bars. I stepped out into the road, where his bike was bordering. I waited, and he looked up at the last minute, a second too late.

His bike toppled over, and he followed soon after. I smelt the blood the ooze of blood the instant the boy's knee hit the paved road, his elbow as well. I made sure that I hadn't broken his bike. I checked it over, and it was fine. My body had only bruised him. He had hit the brakes too suddenly and his head came forward and then he fell. I pretended to fall to the ground, although I probably looked more graceful than he did.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" he was saying. His voice was squeaky and young.

"That's fine, I'm sorry I wasn't looking," I apologized, getting to my feet with false human slowness. "I didn't see you. Here, let me help."

The bike was easy to move. And he shot up straight away, immediately rushing into apologies again. I said "its fine, its fine. It was my fault" but he didn't believe me. I knew for a fact that it was my fault--I had done it on purpose after all—but I was not about to tell him that.

"Ouch, you scraped yourself," I balked. "How bad…?" I crept closer, but he took no notice of the close distance. I filled myself with the scent. It was good, but I had no intention of drinking it.

"Oh…it's fine," he assured me, examining it.

"Let me see," I ordered politely, stretching out my hand in a friendly gesture.

He looked nervous, afraid. I was a stranger to him. "Oh…"—he studied my face, and a grin enlightened his expression—"Sure. You know, you're pretty, lady."

"Thank you," I beamed—glad for another I-can't-blush-anymore moment. I scanned over the scrapes. They weren't deep, just scratches on the surface. I slyly touched my finger to the blood without his notice. He winced, but didn't realize it was my touching it that caused it. "It looks fine," I agreed. "You should go on home and clean it though."

"Right, thanks," he sighed. "That's where I was heading anyways. I'm late."

I laughed. "But now you have an excuse."

"What?"

"You fell, right? That's a fairly good excuse."

He thought my idea over. His expression brightened infinitesimally. "You're right!" he hollered. "Thanks, lady—and sorry about hitting you—you're fine, right?" I nodded and he continued. "Well, I got to go. Bye!" He waved, climbed onto his bike, and peddled off without another word.

I dropped my head and laughed silently to myself. I squished the boy's blood between my fingers. I raised my fingers up to my face and took a good long sniff of it. I felt nothing. I did not want the blood, at all. It was good, it smelled nice, but I didn't crave it. A good start, a fresh start—I was already on my way to recovery.

But I couldn't stay in 'Terrace Bay' for much longer. I had to leave again. I would go now, before some secretly flavoured person come along and I was hooked on their scent. There would be no room for another mistake. There would be no Damien in Terrace Bay.

I took off down the road I had come in, but only to take cover in the forest. I hoped that heading downward would be the right direction, back over the border I knew. I wasn't sure what Terrace Bay's location was in Ontario. I thought that name sounded familiar, or was that…Thunder Bay…? I was pretty sure that was near Toronto or Ottawa. I wasn't too far from U.S.A, just a hop, skip, and a jump—for a vampire, like me, at least.

I soon could feel the smog, even before I smelt it. It was the sounds of the city that got me next. The sights were there as well, but they weren't any different from any other big city. I saw an unfamiliar tower, but I hadn't been much place in the world, so unfamiliar was all I knew. I pressed myself into the darkening surroundings, crawling quietly past the highway. No cars—no matter how numerous they seemed to be—caught sight of me, none that I could see. There were so many of them and only one of me, but I was sure I could blend in here. It was the big city, it was something I knew. I had never been here before, but I was here now. The smog, sirens, and office buildings were a comfort. I could get good and lost here, which was exactly what I wanted.

I searched for a dark alley or a beaten up block for cover. I found an alley with cardboard boxes, a dumpster, and an old man in scraggly clothes. He wore a holey hat and a torn jacket. He was fast asleep. I tip-toed past him, not wanting to disturb him, and then I realized that was silly. A vampire could run past someone and they wouldn't hear. I decided that this alley wasn't for me, so I found another. Big mistake.

I wasn't in the alley—no dumpster, but plenty of things dumped around the walls' edges—long when a group of large-muscled men entered. They were laughing, deep voices, and shift looks in their eyes. They caught sight of me, leaning awkwardly against the wall, beside the old black iron ladder that lead to the black iron platform above.

"Hey," the biggest one called. He was bald with a fierce looking tattoo in place of the hair. He was tanned, to the extreme, and his muscle shirt showed off his rippling muscles. He was impressive—and frightening—to look at, but he was no where close to Emmett's size.

"He was talkin' to you lady," hollered another one. He was slighter, but the scar that ran from chin to temple added to his fierceness. "Why don't cha' answer, eh?"

Damn, I thought. I was still in Canada.

"Hey," called the first one again. "What are you doing here? This is our turf."

I rolled my eyes. Normally, that would scare me, but it was too much of a front, and I was stronger than all of them combined.

"Maybe she's deaf," mocked a third one. He had darker skin than the first two, and his light brown eyes stared at me with a strange lust. "Maybe we should try sign language."

The fourth one, short in the back with a black, curly ponytail, laughed. "Yeah, yeah, I say yes. Why don't I take the pleasure of communicating to her?"

"Nah," the first one disagreed. He spat into the ruined pavement and stepped closer to me, not the least bit hesitant. "I would like to take that pleasure for myself."

They all had tough faces, mean looks, and stubble. They were aged in a range of twenty-five to thirty-five, near as I could tell. They were all fairly large, five foot nine being the short one in the back. The others were anywhere from six foot one to six foot seven. They were wide as well. One of them was a little chubby, but his muscular friends made up for him in their combined muscle mass. None of them were clean. They looked like they had been working in a dusty field or something.

The first one was a couple feet away from me now. "You gonna answer me yet?" he shouted.

"Nope," I answered him. "I see no need to."

They all laughed, mockingly, thinking that they had the upper hand. Three of them howled, ending with a: "Oooh, oooh, bold, bold." The first one only turned his grin into a more menacing one.

"You're a tough one, eh?" he sneered.

"You better believe it," I smirked. "Now, you guys are bugging me a bit, and I was here first. You can either leave…or I can test out my new strength on you."—they laughed disbelievingly—"I should warn you, this would be my first time testing myself and I might kill one of you, or all of you."

"I don't think so," the second one frowned. "Reni, you wanted the honours, right?"—the first one nodded—"Then go ahead. We'll back off. Make sure she doesn't try to bite you, she seems the type."

"Do I?" I laughed, trying not to go into hysterics. Yes, maybe I was the type to bite.

"Shut up!" blared the first one. He jumped on me, pinning my arms to the wall.

I was a little nervous. I was the type to bite, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to use violence. I wanted to keep myself moderately human, for _his_ sake.

"Get off," I ordered. He laughed. "Or else," I sneered.

"No chance, little lady," he frowned. He leaned his face into mine, wringing his leg around mine.

I wasn't going to stand for that. I made sure to throw him off me. It took a lot not to crush him through the wall. He only fell two feet from me, and the smell of fresh blood invested the air. The shouts came from his friends next. I didn't want to kill them too, but I wouldn't be able to hold myself back any longer. The blood was kicking my instincts in.

"Hey, Miss, need some help?"

This was not one of the men, this voice was younger. I searched around for it, but it was nowhere to be found.

"You bitch!" That was one of the men.

The second man grabbed my neck. His fingers were but a nearby presence, there was no pain, yet I could tell from the strain in his hand that he was using all his might.

"Get off," I ordered again. "I hurt your friend, and I won't hold back on you."

"You're a little full of yourself, aren't you?" he cackled in a deep voice. "Now, you listen to Irvin and you listen good. No more trouble outta you and I promise not too hurt you too much."

"Get off," I warned for the last time.

"She means it you know," said that same voice from nowhere. I wondered if I was hearing Edward's voice again, except...it wasn't Edward's voice. Maybe it was some male voice of my conscience.

"This is none of your business!" shouted the third man.

"It is if you're bugging her." the voice retorted boldly. "You saw what she did to your friend and she'll do a lot worse to you." He laughed. It was a familiar sort of laugh, but not exactly like Edward's.

"Go away, kid," barked the fourth man. "Or else deal Derek here." He slapped the third man on the shoulder. "He's in the mood to kill." And it really did look that way.

"So am I," the voice said, stifling a laugh. That's when I looked up at the iron platform, where he was standing.

He had the same build as _him_, I noticed. His skin was the same pale, and he was just as devastatingly handsome--well, _almost_ just as. His hair was black though, and he had dark crimson eyes. His jaw wasn't as square, his jaw was longer just a tad. This new boy looked older than him too, by a year or two at most. They were the same height, as far as I could tell from standing below the owner of the male angelic voice. They were also, obviously, the same species.

Irvin didn't release my neck, and I was beginning to get agitated. Not only by his attempt at whatever-it-was-he-was-trying-to-do, but also because of the blood. Reni was on the ground, head bashed into the pavement, breathing heavily. I thought he might be unconscious or too injured or lazy to get up. I liked the odds better with him down. Less blood would leak from him that way. Less lives would be lost.

"I would let her go before I make you," the voice suggested. He sounded light-hearted yet threatening at the same time. It was an expression of anger I was used to, by his look-a-like.

"Listen to him." I wasn't in the mood for jokes, already my mouth filled with venom.

"Maybe we should," Derek whispered harshly to the other men. He looked worried, as he should. "They could be on something, you know? I've heard things--especially lately. These two could be part of that new gang."

"Shut up, Steve," barked Derek. "You're gettin' paranoid! These two ain't part a that."

"They could be, you know?"

"But they ain't."

"How do you know?"

"Steve--'cause I know!"

"Three seconds," warned the look-a-like. "Three seconds and they you're dead."

"I'm outta here," Steve said with a shudder. "Mayella wanted me home early tonight anyhow. See ya guys."

"Later, chicken," hollered Irvin, who was squeezing his fingers into my neck, unsuccessfully trying to choke the life out of me. I didn't feel a thing, except that his hands were grimy.

"Two seconds."

"We ain't leavin', punk," Irvin scowled. His eyes weren't on me anymore, they were on him.

"Time's up." He flashed a grin. "Last chance. I'm feeling merciful today, after all, I am in the presence of a lady." He jerked his head at me. I watched him cautiously. He moves swiftly, gracefully to my side. Only my eyes caught his movement. The other two jumped and gasped. Irvin yelped when his hand was torn from my throat. "Hello, Miss."

"I could have handled that," I snapped.

"Yes, I'm sure," he agree sarcastically.

"Yes, I could have."

"Without killing them all? Without exposing yourself?" he questioned. My face fell when I discovered how badly he had stumped me. "See? he smirked. "What's wrong with my help anyhow?"

"It isn't required," I spat through my clenched jaw. I wasn't in the mood for a--from what I could tell from his eyes--human-blood drinking vampire. I wasn't in the mood for his good humor.

He shrugged. "Will accept my help now that I'm here?"

I thought it over. I wanted to say no. "Fine, go ahead," I invited coldly. "Be my guest."

"Ah," he chuckled, startling Derek when the man found that his arm was locked behind him. "You see,"--then came the crunching sound--"that's where you are wrong."--the scream of pain--"You are my guest. Welcome." He released Derek's arm, and lightly kicked him away. "Now, go," he ordered Derek, looking at him as if he were a dog meant for beating. He looked at Irvin. "Take your friend too, or we might just eat him."

Irvin couldn't decide if he was serious about the 'eating' thing. He decided that he was, and glanced at me--probably remembering my strange burst of strength and diamond-hard skin--before whacking Reni into awareness, waking him. Reni followed dozily after Irvin as they ran toward the open end of the alley. Derek had already exited ahead of them.

"I could have done that," I muttered.

"Not without killing them," he reminded me. "You're a newborn, aren't you?"

"So?" I admitted, realizing all too late that revealing that might be a bad idea. "I know more than you do about this though. I'm sure."

"Doubtful," he snickered. He stopped and considered that notion. "Although...you do seem to know a bit. You know what you are and you knew that you were going to have trouble not killing those men and you actually listened to me when I mentioned the threat of exposure. How much do you know?"

"Every thing." That might be a bad idea too. I had no idea if this vampire was friend or foe. No, he had to be an enemy. No human-blood drinking vampire could by on my side. No matter how good-looking or angelic-voiced he was.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Bel--it doesn't matter." I wasn't about to give him my name. That was stupid. He was a stranger.

"Bel-it-doesn't-matter? Nice ring to it," he joked. "Hm, well, since you're not telling...should I just call you Belle?"

"No."

"It? As in, Cousin It?"

"Definitely not."

"How about...matter?"

"That's stupid."

"Doesn't?"

"You're not funny," I said in outrage. "You're just very, very annoying!"

"You're right," he sighed, shocking me. "I guess funny isn't my thing. I was trying to be friendly."

"Who says I want you to be friendly?" I mocked. I regretted that. I felt guiltier. He had managed to save me from myself, he had prevented me from killing again. I had to be grateful. "I appreciate you saving my neck," I thanked. "I didn't want to have to kill them. I was afraid...that I couldn't stop myself."

"I felt the same way once," he told me, his voice low now. "Trust me, it goes away, once you realize."

Now I was angry again. "Realize what? Murder is fun?"

"Realize...who's right to kill," he grinned. "I could help you, you know. It would be my pleasure, Belle."

"That's not my name," I growled. "And I don't want help from _your_ kind."

"My kind?" he gawked. "You do realize that you are my kind, right?"

"No," I snapped. "I am a vegetarian-vampire!" His eyebrows raised. "I mean," I sighed. "I don't drink human blood."

"A vampire that doesn't drink human blood." He experimented with the sentence several times, none of those times made his face relax, it was too foreign an idea for him. "You're strange," he mocked. "How did you come up with an idea like that?"

"I didn't," I grinned, proud of my family back home and their brilliance. If I wasn't such a failure I could brag about being one of them without guilt.

"Oh, the one who made you," he realized. "Got it."

"Why did you come to my rescue?" I asked, curious now that my temper was gradually dropping to a bearable level.

"A fellow vampire in need is a one deserving help indeed," he recited. I arched a brow and he laughed. "That's what Kylie always says--that's my sister, by the way. She's one of us too."

"Oh." It was something I hadn't come across before. Blood-related siblings turned to blood-drinking siblings. "Do you...live here...together?" I wondered.

"We travel around, with one other," he answered in a calm tone. "Kylie, Jeremiah and I. We don't stick to one place. That would be impossible. Only the Volturi can do that."

"Not true," I countered. "My family can, and there's one more like it in Alaska. Non-human-blood drinkers. It's easy that way."

"A permanent settlement? Interesting," he commented, his expression turning wry. "Where is this?"

"No where." He had tricked more answers out of me. I had to recall that he was my enemy, even if he had saved me. Even if he looked slightly like _him_...

I flashed my eyes, darting through the alley. There was nothing of interest here, and this human-blood drinker had scared the human populace off. The alley might be a safe place to crash in the meanwhile. I had to stay someplace and learn to adjust to people's scents. This could be the place. Sure it was dark, smoggy and smelled like rained-on cardboard, cigarettes and a million strange substances I had never encountered before, but it would do. I was a murderer anyways. I deserved a much worse location: prison.

"How far did you run to get here?"

"What?" I had forgotten him for a second. That was stupid. He could have killed me.

"You have the look of a runaway," he explained with a shrug. "I recognize the look."

"I ran...far," I replied, willingly. If he was going to kill me he wouldn't be asking me a question like that, right? He might have been a runaway once too.

"I thought so," he sighed. He studied me for a minute, long for a vampire. He smiled softly after that minute, and his eyes sparkled with something that wasn't from a gleam of sunlight. "Listen," he started, his voice was softer, friendlier now. "Why don't you hang around Kylie, Jeremiah, and myself for a while? Just until you get settled, find out where you're going. Why not?" I froze. This was a bad idea. "Aw, don't give me that look," he continued, sounding chipper. "I'm not your enemy, swear!"--he lifted his right hand, palm toward me--"I just want to help. I feel sorry for you. You look really down. Things can't be going good for you. I can only guess at what you've been through, but it's probably something all of our kind goes through."

"I don't know..."

"You don't have to talk about whatever it is," he bargained. "You don't have to talk at all. You can pretend to be a mute if that makes you feel better."

The offer was tempting. I had no intention of taking it though. I refused to be friendly with three murderers. That would be a bad idea. A very, very bad idea. Not only would it be signing my name on the list of going-to-hell, but it would be fooling myself. I knew that I was only considering the offer because he reminded me of...I couldn't take the offer. It was sweet, but he could be trying to lure me in for the later kill.

"I know we just met," he whispered, his face inches from mine. "But, please, here me out."

I swallowed. "Alright, I'm listening." He was handsome, but not in the same way as _him_. His eyes were narrower,--but deeper, in a way--and had a depth of trust to them, despite their demonic colour. He had a warm face--high cheek bones, straight nose, confident but sweet smile--somehow hiding the fact that his skin would be like touching ice to a human's skin. His straight black hair had the same verge-of-messy quality that I found attractive. He would take the breath away from any mortal--probably male or female--but not me. There was only one face that took the air from my lungs.

"I was just like you once," he told me in another whisper. "It's not easy. I know I've ran from this a million times. I've tried not to kill, but the method you speak of doesn't work for the rest of us. You can adapt though, so it's almost like you aren't stealing their blood. They won't even notice. I can teach you how not to kill and get exactly what you need to survive, to keep in control. So let me help you."

That was an offer I couldn't refuse. "Not kill, did you say? How? How would a human not notice...?"

He chuckled. "Trust me, I know my craft. It's an art that we leeches have perfected."

"Leeches?" I had heard that before.

"We are the vindication of vampiric existence," he bragged. "Just a pinch, 'hey, was that a musquito', or 'it suddenly got cold out here'! That's us. Nobody notices."

"Just a pinch...," I gaped. "They don't feel a thing?"

"Just a pinch," he corrected. "And then, we can exit whenever necessary."

"That's impossible." If only Damien had felt just a pinch...

"I can show you how," he reminded me, his voice sounding seductive now. "Just follow me." He reached his hand out to me, in a flash of long white fingers. I accepted, taking his hand, hesitantly, into mine. He pulled me to my feet, startling me. I crashed into his chest, and he swooped his hand behind my back. "I promise,"--his lips at my ear, raising the guilt inside me--"you won't regret this."

Already, I knew I would regret some part of it. I had no idea how large a part. I knew for certain that I had to learn to control myself better, to become a real Cullen. I would do whatever it took to come close. Once I was close, I would head back to Forks, Washington. Then, and only then, would I be considered Bella Cullen, Mrs. Cullen, Mrs. Edward Cullen...but I would go by none of those names until that moment. I wasn't that vampire yet, but I would be. For now I was...

"So, come with me, Belle," the look-a-like turned teacher breathed, taking his lips from my ear slowly, and then spinning me away gracefully, like we were dancing. "You know...you're not what I was expecting when I saw you throw that human to the ground. Usually, your type is much more...well, let's just say they're normally not as pretty. You look are very pretty for the violent-type."--he released my hand--"I think Belle means beautiful, doesn't it?"

"I'm not Belle," I told him. How dare he call me pretty. There was only one person with rights to that.

"Then what should I call you?"

"I'll let you know," I assured him. "If the need comes."

He groaned. "Please, just a hint...?"

I shook my head. "Teach me about how to give just a pinch, maybe then I'll tell you...you...what's your name?"

"Sure, you can keep your name a secret, but I can't?" he mocked. I rolled my eyes. "It's Edwin." And that's when I nearly died--again. "Are you alright? Did my name scare you?"

I was considering saying yes...but thought better of it. Edwin teaching Belle...it was some strange reverse on Edward teaching Bella. Why was some hell-on-earth choosing me to torture? Why such a familiar sound of names?

It didn't matter. I would bare through it. Soon enough I would be back in the arms of the most beautiful angel, soon when I could trust myself again. I would endure hell-on-earth to make it back to my heaven.

"You can call me Belle," I told him. "But only for now."

"Are you planning to come up with an alias later?" he asked. He was laughing, joking, but I smirked. I wondered if he could read minds, because that was exactly what I had been thinking. "You can't be serious," he gawked. "...You find the strangest people in alleys."

"Glad I'm not one of those, but thanks for the heads up," I retorted. I was already feeling the confidence of this new technique. It would bring me home. "So," I continued. "You're still offering to teach me, right?"

"I am." He nodded. "First though, I'll introduce you to my family. Then, we're leaving Toronto and headed back across the border."

"Alright," I agreed. I could handle being in the same country as my personal angel. That was easy enough. I could hang around the leeches for a while, learn the ropes, and be back before my love notices I was gone.

No, he would definitely notice. I could only hope that Alice hadn't seen any visions of my plans--or at least, none that she was willing to share with _him_.

"Take me to your family, Ed," I ordered bravely.

He furrowed his brow at my nickname. I wasn't going to change it, so I hope teaching me didn't require full use of his full name. I refused to keep the similarity to apparent, as a constant reminder of what was at stake if this new just-a-pinch trick didn't work. I didn't need reminders. I was well aware.

"They're already here," he grinned, turning to face the open end of the alley.

He was right, because I heard them enter before I saw them. I spun around to face the most horrific sight I had seen in my entire life. Who would have thought that Rosalie could have a close too?

"Wow, she's prettier than I expected," said the tall vampire next to her.

I was thankful for the only non-clone vampire.

* * *

_**"He called you pretty, that's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You're much more beautiful."  
**_  
**- (Can you guess who?) Edward Cullen, Twilight**

* * *

**Hey, sorry if this seems rushed at all! It's just a filler really, I wanted Bella to find a place quickly so I could get to the main plot. I hope you like it all so far! Please review and keep reading! I appreciate it. - VampricFaeryGirl**


	4. Chapter 4 Distraction

**Okay, somehow this chapter deleted itself. Don't ask me, it just decided to replace itself with a chapter from another fanfic of mine. So, for now, here is just a summary of what happens:**

The Rosalie look-alike is named Rosalind (Kylie).  
The non-clone is named Jeremiah.  
They promise to teach her a special technique oth theirs, which doesn't kill humans and the humans they steal blood from barely even notice that the blood is gone.  
Rosalind reveals that there are two vampires with powers in their group/family.  
Rosalind reveals that her power is to see a person's memories.  
Rosalind explains the rules around the memories she sees:  
a) Physical contact is needed with a new person, is not necessary once she's gotton to know a person, but she likes giving people their own personal space. (Doesn't invade memories if she can help it.)  
b) She can't see the future at all. Only the past and ocassionaly the present.  
Rosalind has a vision after Bella allows her to look into her past. First, Rosa (Rosalind) sees flashes of Bella's past, then hugs her and Bella feels she _might_ be able to trust Rosa. Second, Rosa sees a conversation happening between Edward and Alice, although Rosa does not know their names. She explains the scene aloud, and Bella immediately recognizes what is happening. Alice is going to keep Edward home, at bay, until Bella can find herself again. Bella is thankful, and decides to take Edwin, Rosa, and Jeremiah up on their offer, to learn their technique.  
Bella still does not trust them, but wants to learn the technique so she can return to her family and Edward.


	5. Chapter 5 Story

Sincerely, Bella Cullen  
Chapter 5

It didn't take long to reach a fair-sized American city, the city known as New York.

I had never been to New York in my life and now, suddenly, I was there! It was exciting to see the lights, to hear the cars peeping and roaring in traffic, and to see the busy walk of the crowds along the sidewalks that were only wide enough to fit a tightly squished in net of people—all of the seeming late for something. Even the smokes smells, hot dogs and a strange assortment of other smells—wet dog and sweat being two of them—were appealing. I loved the big city.

It was no Phoenix, but it was still a big city. I stared around—following like an excited puppy after Rosa—at the giant poster plastered everywhere—Wicked, Chicago, and Hairspray still lingering from past performances—and the flashing advertisements. This was the New York to see. I was glad that I got the dream glimpse of it before getting down to business. Rosa soon reminded me that we weren't sight seeing when she yanked my arm and drove me into an alley. I didn't pout, but I sure felt like it when the last seen of bright daylight slipped away from me, fading over my shoulder and giving way to the shielded darkness.

"I have to know, why New York?" I wondered allowed.

"Big city, busy people," Jeremiah shrugged. "It's easier to blend in."

"Besides," Rosa purred. "I love New York!" And then, she started singing. "I want to be a part of it! New York! New York!" She pounced on me, half-hugging me, half-strangling me. The singing stopped. "Have you never been to New York?"

"No," I admitted. "I haven't been anywhere…except, Italy, of course…"

Rosa slid off me. She stood frozen, contemplating what I had said. Edwin and Jeremiah were statues as well. I didn't move. I hoped that I hadn't given too much away. I was afraid, for just a second that they might turn on me. For a second, Edwin looked hostile.

"What exactly do you mean by Italy?" Jeremiah asked curiously. He held the same resentment in his eyes that had dawned in Edwin's.

I laughed. "Oh, I see," I said. "You're not asking the right question yet. What you mean to ask about is the Volterra, right? You want to know if I've met the Volturi face to face." Jeremiah nodded. "Yes, I have met them."

"Were you turned by them?" Edwin asked his tone frighteningly vicious.

"No—well, more or less," I muttered.

"Explain," he ordered.

"They are part of the reason," I explained. "But it wasn't the main cause. It was either death or become a vampire. I chose the best out of the two."

"What rule could you have possibly broken as a human?" Rosa wondered.

"Were you their ally?" Edwin questioned, with his hands in tight fists. "Are you still?"

I wasn't sure how to answer. Either he really hated them or hated only the Volturi's enemies. I couldn't tell from his expression what the safest answer was.

On one hand, I could say no. If Edwin's expression was because of my response to earlier questions, this might be the best bet. I knew a few vampires—a few very close vampires—that had learned to detest the Volturi. If Edwin was one of these types, admitting to how much I loathed them would be a good thing.

On the other hand, Edwin could have been reacting to someone who loathed the Volturi. Jasper was someone who admired the Volturi, because of how they had saved the south. I wasn't sure if lying was the best solution though.

_If she is one of them_…_I'll have to kill her.  
_  
I easily matched the thought-wave to him. I grinned for a second—enough to stiffen all three of the angered vampires standing, ready to face off against me. I dropped the smile and raised my hands in surrender.

"No, never," I vowed. "They ruined my life, as far as I'm concerned. They threaten to kill the only human I've ever loved, and they threatened to kill me. They've threatened to kill my family."—both human and non-human family—"I will never forgive them as long as I…exist." I smirked at the word that my lion often used to describe the state of being a vampire.

The three vampires before me relaxed. Edwin smiled and Rosa laughed reassuringly. Jeremiah closed his eyes and calmed himself slowly. I didn't smile. I had to keep my act looking true. I tried to keep some hint of worry in my expression, although, on the inside I was smiling. I was getting good at acting. Not at all like the first time my lion had stayed over at my house for the night.

"Are you their friend or foe?" I asked, already quite sure of the answer.

"Foe," was Jeremiah's quick response.

"They ruined our lives on more than one occasion as well," Edwin explained. I gave my most enticing and encouraging eyebrow raise and look of surprise. He sighed, and I knew I had hooked him. (I had improved my flirting attempts a lot since I had tricked Jacob into revealing the big vampire secret.) "You see," he continued, looking weary. "The Volturi don't forgive easily. Newborns aren't given second chances when they risk exposure."

I saw faces flash across my mind. I tried to trace whose thoughts I was reading, but there was too many things to see. I knew I was seeing the faces of vampires, their eyes bright and still naive about what they were. I saw particularly, one girl. Chocolate coloured hair, hallow face, long neck. She had large eyes and the look of innocence--confusion too. She was pretty--as vampires are--but her looks weren't stunning. They were soft, delicate. She looked like she needed to be protected. And, with the last flash that crossed my mind, that thought was proved. She did need protection.

I watched her head loll, fall, tumble to the ground. Her body froze, and then dropped to her knees, toppling over a few seconds later. I saw Rosa, hands over her mouth, eyes wide, and her body prepared itself for the tearless sobs of a vampire. Jeremiah was beside her, a mix of anger and bitterness displayed in the way he stood, tense and still. He comforted Rosa the best he could, so it seemed. He had to look away from the headless fallen body.

I realized that I was seeing the scene through Ed's eyes, so I couldn't see his reaction. I felt weakened, feeling the view change. I recognized my surroundings immediately, knowing that I was seeing through Rosa's eyes. I watched as Edwin, features stained with rage and despair, stumbled toward the headless vampire. He was sobbing tearlessly as well.

Rosa's eyes turned toward another recognizable face. I gasped aloud, seeing Jane with her usual company. She turned and muttered thanks to a vampire next to her. I couldn't see who it was, Rosa's eyes faced Ed again. He was crouched next to the body. His arms hovered above, unsure of what to do. If it wasn't for being already dead--since he was a vampire--I was sure that the expression on his face showed that he was dead inside. In a sudden flash, his arms grabbed the body and he stared where the head used to be. He dashed for the head, but his hand paused, still with fear, before touching the wavy brown hair the curtained the face. He didn't dare to move after that.

"Belle? Hey, what's wrong with her?"

"I don't know, maybe she recognized the name Jane?"

"Maybe she's just crazy."

"That's not very nice!" Whack. Rosa punched Jeremiah's arm. I snapped back to reality.

"S-sorry," I stuttered. "I'm just not used to..."

"Used to what?" Jeremiah probed, suspicious of me after one mistake. I would have to be more careful in keeping my secrets from now on.

"All I said was the Volturi usually sends someone to clean up the mess," Ed mumbled. "I mentioned that we met one named Jane once, she was horrible. You're not used to what about that exactly?"

"Sorry, I wasn't listening," I said. I smiled apologetically.

"Let me see." Rosa cooed. "You're hiding many things from us, Bella, dear."

"What?" I panicked. Had she seen that in her glimpse into my past?

"Sorry, I guess you don't like my little nickname," she apologized. Her face was still though, so I guessed that she had seen more than two short things from my past. She had to have seen something more. Whatever that was, it had me at a disadvantage. "Belle," she continued, her expression softening. "Please, be honest with us. You can trust us. After all, we are going to teach you all we know--our speciality! You might as well trust us!"

Trust? Them? No way. I didn't want to trust anyone.

They seemed more and more trustworthy though, and they seemed to know pain. They seemed kind. I wasn't any good at lieing. I was better, but still no good. I could keep the secrets of others, but I was no good at keeping my own secrets. The ones about me. I could pretend not to be a vampire all I wanted, but if I kept reading memories of others--gasping if the shock was too great--they were going to find out. It wouldn't be fun to try and gain their trust if they find out I lied to them.

It was better to fess up now.

"I know this is strange," I said. "But...I can read minds." I was sour about giving up my secret weapon, but I doubted that my faulty sometimes-works-sometimes-doesn't power would give me an advantage later.

"Read minds?" Jeremiah repeated.

"Sometimes," I continued. "Other times...it doesn't work. E--a friend..."--how would I explained this?--"One of my family members also has the same power, except he's better at it. He told me that I'll learn to control it eventually, but for now, I can only read minds when the thoughts are strong."

"Good to know," Ed muttered. He closed his eyes, not breathing for a second. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" I asked.

He smiled. "Just checking."

_She could be lieing_...

"I'm not lieing," I said, turning to Jeremiah. He cocked a brow and widened his eyes. "It's just a faulty gift. Useless"--I faced Rosa and smiled, feeling foolish--"most of the time."

"That's not useless at all!" Rosa corrected ecstatically. "That's an amazing talent! I wish I could trade."

"Well," I sighed. "It's not up to me. But I would trade with you, if I could."

She looked stunned. "Really?"

"Yes," I answered slowly. "I would." I could only imagine how her power would come in handy. I was always curious of the past of the Cullens. It would be nice to see it first hand.

I reminded myself why I brought the topic up. I faced Ed and narrowed my gaze, waiting for him to look at me. When he did, I prepared my question carefully, hoping not to offend.

"Who was that girl?" I asked.

Immediately, they all froze. It seemed that I had hit the sour note, pluck at the un-tuned heart-string. A despair flashed across all their faces, but burning rage flashed across Ed's in less than a second. He closed his eyes and took a few passing moments to calm himself. I didn't comment on how strange it was that they all knew who I was talking about. Obviously, there was only one girl that mattered. Only one.

I could see they weren't planning on answering. Ed was still eye-closed and non responsive. Jeremiah didn't look like he cared--an obvious facade to hide pain. Rosa was looking at me, pained and torn. She was the only one who was considering giving me an answer. She looked at Ed though, and he opened his eyes, shot a cold glare, and then Rosa lowered her eyes.

"I'm being honest with you," I reminded them. "I'm certain that this isn't an easy subject but...I would like to know. You don't have to. I'm only hoping."

Rosa looked at Edwin when she spoke, sounding cautious. "It's not my place. Only Edwin can tell you. It's his choice."

Edwin looked at me, and I him. His eyes were sad. Deeply sad. Immediately, I understood.

_Maybe_...was the only thing going through his mind. After a few seconds, I wondered if he was comparing me to her or if he was even thinking at all. My mind-reading was failing me again.

"I'll tell you," he promised, eyes narrowing incredulously. "But don't talk until I have finished explaining. This is a long story..."--his gaze dropped for a brief second, and then his eyes scorched mine, looking hopeful--"It's not easy for me, but you are being honest with us. I will be honest with you."

"Thank you." I wasn't convinced, but I wasn't about to admit that.

"Her name," he began, his eyes facing away to what appeared as a haunted past. His eyes were blank, unreadable, his expression distant. It intrigued me. He smiled for a brief second. I barely caught it with my eyes, sharp as they were his smile was too temporary. The deep frown drained all happiness from him, echoing the blank eyes.

I found that I had leaned in. I was susceptibal to good storytellers. I could tell this was going to be a long one.

"Her name was Catherine," he said. "But I didn't call her that. I called her Cathy." He smiled to himself.

_She liked that_, a thought that echoed through three minds and into mine.

And so, I was dragged into the story, completely lost in another vampire's life-story. I was, unforntuantely, slowly revealing my soft spot, preparing to trust. It was too easy to sympthasize when I could read little setences--however brief--of a person's mind. Already, from a name, I felt that I might know the girl. That only one.

_Cathy_.

* * *

**"How much do you know about me, Bella?" - Jasper, (pg. 285) Chapter 12. Time, Eclipse**

**I hope you don't think this is too short! I'm a working girl and I'm busy with mathematics (homework) as well. So, writing takes a back seat. I'm going to try and be a busy-body about it and get lot's done. Just not today. Be patient with me and please read! Please review! Thank you, thank you very much! - moi**


	6. Chapter 6 Cathy

Sincerely, Bella Cullen  
Chapter 6

_From the point of view of Catherine Rosewood:_

My journey began only a week ago, when the piercing burning finally broke. I was free from the pain—but I wasn't the same.

I straightened up, but couldn't find the strength to stand. I peered around, seeing nothing but black at first. After a while, my eyes got used to the amount of light and I could see clearly. I hadn't ever had great night vision, but for some reason, I did now.

It was clearly after midnight. It must be three o'clock in the morning, approximately. If I had a watch or a clock I might know, but—after checking my wrist for where my watch usually was, after checking my pocket—it seemed that I didn't have it on me.

Where was I? I couldn't remember how I got…here. Wherever I was, it wasn't good. I was in some tunnel, worn bricks layering the walls. The ground was damp, hard, and cold. There wasn't a single clean space to be found. It was covered in trash, dirt, slimy water. I looked to my right and found that I had been lying next to some narrowed waterway. The water was dark, unnatural, greenish-brown, and things of odd shapes floated through it. The water was moving, quickly. I clapped my hands over my face, finally noticing the smell. I pinched my nose between my fingers and closed my mouth.

I was in a sewer. Why? Don't know. But I was.

I knew that I couldn't hold my breath forever, but I wasn't going to breathe until absolutely necessary. I wasn't out of breath yet. The feeling of bursting carbon dioxide remained at bay, not urging forward. I could wait a little longer.

I stood slowly, finding that my body wanted to move quickly, despite the lack of clean air. I searched for an exit, walking one foot in front of the other with exaggerated slowness. I felt my hand along the wall, hoping, praying for a secret compartment. It wasn't like the movies—girl gets kidnapped and ends up finding secret passage with a lot of money in it, followed by an amazing adventure where she meets the perfect guy—it was real life. In real life, the happy ending wasn't always found. Sometimes, the happy ending was never found. It was possible that I would never find the exit.

"Hey," whispered a raspy voice. I jumped.

I spun around to see a hooded figure leaning—supporting it's weight—against the wall, head down so that I couldn't see their face. The figure was tall, and from what I could see behind the long trench coat was that it was a man. He had his arms crossed over his chest, his legs sticking out toward the edge, his bare toes dangling over the edge where the water was. The pathway was narrow, so I wasn't surprised that his legs could reach that far—my own feet barely found footing space standing straight up, outspread—and he was very tall besides that.

"You're not going to answer me, are you?" His raspy voice, deep, cold, was seductive. I paused, no longer afraid, and listened. "You're probably wondering where you are right?" he asked. I nodded. "You are…in Paris, Madam."

Paris? Not possible. I wasn't in Paris yesterday. I had been…where had I been yesterday? Maybe I had been here. I tried to remember what had happened to me.

Friday, I had woken up, got on the first flight out of London. I wanted to travel a bit. I hadn't gotten that far when—after the plane landed—I got a call on my cellphone. It was a voice I recognized. My friend, Juliet, was the caller. She called, begging me to come back. Apparently, her life was in danger.

I believed her, of course. I took the first ride back to London. I went to where she said she was going to meet me—just outside the main part of the city. I didn't see her anywhere. I met a man named James. He was with some woman with vibrant red hair, wild, flowing, like fire. He told me that he had seen Juliet. She had asked him to leave a message for me, to bring me to her.

"She said that things got out of hand," James said in a voice that belonged in a commercial, selling some miscellaneous product. "I promised that I would bring you directly to her."

How could I trust him? "What are you to her?" I questioned disbelievingly. Maybe he could tell me why she had asked him—a stranger—to bring me to her.

"A friend," he said. "We met the other day, after her art class. Victoria here,"—he gestured to the flame-haired woman with the cat-like features—"is in the same class."

I didn't have time to argue. I didn't have time to doubt. I had to believe that James was telling the truth. Juliet needed me—she had sounded so scared—so I had to take a risk. I had to help her.

I followed James and Victoria.

We went through strange patches of town, the places where everyone hid their faces. This wasn't the London I knew. This was a strange place, different from the people I had learned to live with. The hooded faces served only to frighten me—and encourage me. Juliet must be in a lot of trouble to come here. I had to hurry to her. She needed me.

One face—turning so that I could see even through the hood—startled me when I saw it, saw him. It was a face I hadn't seen in a long time. It was my father's face. I stopped, dead, still. He did also. I wondered why he was here—after being supposed dead ten years ago. He hadn't aged a day. He looked exactly as he had in photos I had seen.

The man—my father's look-a-like—shot several looks at James and Victoria. James snarled at him. The man—was he my father?—looked away, but his expression was angry, vengeful.

James lead my on, with Victoria at my back. It wasn't long before there was no one in sight. I was worried. Why hadn't I seen Juliet yet? What trouble was she in?

"Where's Juliet?" I demanded. "Where are we right now?"

"Silly, girl," James snarled. "I wouldn't take that tone if I were you. I will make your death much less painless if you don't misbehave."

"W-what? What d-do you mean?" I stammered, jumping backward. Victoria circled around me, grinning—cat-like and wicked—to stand beside James.

"You see, Catherine," he said, smirking down at me with cold eyes. "I tracked you down—how good your blood smells—to kill you. Not only to kill you, but to put you through the most painful experience of your life. I want to try a little experiment."

"Where's Juliet? Is she safe?'

"Oh, she's fine," he assured me. "She's worried about you though. After I threatened her life, forced her to bring you back here, she'll be thinking that she's killed you by now. You'll be far from dead though. I have an idea, something I want to try out on you."

"As long as she's safe," I whispered. I was afraid now. Juliet was safe—I wasn't. I was going to be killed—maybe raped—by someone with a foreign accent. They weren't even from my own country, and I had believed them easily. Why hadn't I thought—for just a second—that is was suspicious that a London resident's only art school would permit a non-London resident into their classes? I was blinded by protecting Juliet.

"Catherine, I am a vampire," he said.

That shocked me. I was being killed by a psychopath who thought he was a blood-sucking demon. Lovely—this was exactly how I wanted to die.

"I am telling the truth," he continued. "I really am a vampire. So is Victoria here. We tracked you down because of your gift. We want to see something, to see if it's possible…to turn you into one of us and steal that precious gift of yours."

"Turn me into one of you?" I balked. _Not possible_, I thought. _I am hallucinating_, _or_ _dreaming_. I'm _asleep on the airplane_. _Juliet's safe_. _I'm safe_.

I backed into the wall behind me. James laughed. Victoria smirked, growling—a feline-like sound, just as I had imagined.

"I have no gift!" I shouted, my voice shrill and quieter than I had intended. "I'm normal!"

"Oh, you are so very wrong," Victoria said. My eyes widened upon hearing her voice. It was the kind of voice you would picture with bubble gum, pig-tails, blonde hair, rosy cheeks. Not feline-like at all…it was…perky.

"I don't mean to frighten you," James insisted. "That's not why I'm doing this. I simply want to experiment with your lovely power you have. It will be strengthened if I change you into one of us. So, this is the easiest way."

"No, no, no," I chanted. I shrunk into the wall further. I closed my eyes. I held my breath to sink further into the wall. My eyes snapped open of their own accord when a hand touched my shoulder.

His eyes were red. His hand was like ice.

Then, a piercing pain stabbed into my shoulder. A fire started in my veins. It burned, hooter than any heat I had ever felt. It was as if a stove had been turned on in my skin and lava was pouring alongside my blood vessels. Then, there was a flame in every blood vessel, every tissue. I screamed, loudly.

"Catherine!" screamed a voice, raspy, strong, and deep.

The cold hand on my shoulder was yanked away. I heard snarls, shouts, and then my body was lifted off the ground, slung over something hard and cold, stiff. I was being carried away. A hand covered over my mouth, to stop my screaming. I passed out.

Every few minutes the pain would reawaken me, reminding me of the horrid pain I was going through. I would faint again, wake again, fain again, and wake again. It was hours later—or maybe seconds, I couldn't keep track of the time passing through the burning inside me—when I finally couldn't pass out anymore. I tried to sleep, but my eyelids weren't heavy. I was weak, weary, but not tired. My heart's pace slowed. I wondered if I was dying throughout the process of the burning. I never did though, my heart just stopped.

And here I was. I was facing the seductive-raspy-voiced stranger who had saved me from James and Victoria. I peered around, sidestepping the edge, to take a better look at the man. I noticed that he was the man from the alley.

"Who are you?' I asked.

"I am…," he sighed. "I am your father, Catherine."

I gasped. "Not possible, you—you're dead!"

"Not exactly," he said. He faced me—red eyes—looking weary. "In a way I did die, but I'm not gone. I'm…a vampire, Catherine."

"No, no, no," I chanted again. "Not possible. You're not one of them. You wouldn't kill me—not if you were my father!"

"I am, Cath," he insisted, drawing closer. "I am a vampire—but no…I wouldn't kill you. You're my daughter. I would never do anything to hurt you. That is why I saved you."

"Why?" I asked.

He cocked a thick black brow. "Why did I save you?"

"No." I shook my head. "Why are you a vampire and why are you still here—London…?"

"I couldn't leave," he explained. "I watched over you and your mother. I love you after these ten years. I still can't leave."

"Mom remarried," I stated. "She thought you were dead. You should have come back to us."

"You were nine, weren't you?" he mused. "Do you remember every thing?"

"Yes I do," I answered. I remembered how much my mother cried when she found out that my father had been killed in a horrible crash. His car had fallen in water, with his body never to be found again. "Why are you a vampire?"

"Because, after the crash," he started, closing his eyes against the tears forming in my own eyes. "Another vampire found me. She was kind, and she wanted company. We've become good friends. She saved me, in a way. I'm very grateful. Except…except it's painful taking someone's life—like you will have to do now."

"What?" I yelled, wide-eyed and stepping backward quickly, squishing into the wall.

"James, he bit you," he explained. "You are one of us now—a vampire."

"No," I glowered. "No, I am not."

"Are you thirsty?" he asked.

I noticed that I was. I hadn't been able to feel the gnawing, uncontrollable thirst that was building inside my throat. I had been too panicked to take a second to notice the changes in me. I felt stronger as well—incredibly stronger.

"How do I quench it?" I asked, ravenous.

"Follow your nose," he laughed. "It will lead you to a human."

The thought horrified me…and…_pleased_ me. I wanted to quench my thirst, and I would do anything to do that.

"No!" I shouted.

"I knew I would find you."

I stared over my father's shoulder. James was there. He had revealed himself. Somehow I hadn't heard him enter.

I could hear every drip of water, every flow as it drifted past, every rat as it scurried across a worn brick path far away, and every heart beating in the streets above me. It was a mush of heartbeats—unclear, undefined—but I knew what they were. I had watched enough hospital based dramas to know a heartbeat. This was louder, deeper—but similar in tone. Heartbeats were everywhere, and they were making me thirsty.

"So, you are her father?" James chuckled. "Who would have guessed it. What fun this has turned out to be."

"Where's your friend?" my father spat.

"You gave her a nasty bite," James said sourly. "She's sulking."

"Good," my father grinned. "Maybe I can get rid of you, now that you are alone."

I took note of how my father's accent clashed with James'. I wondered if that was how I sounded. I wondered if—when I one day got to travel—I would clash with the country I was visiting.

"Catherine," James called. "Where are you running to?"

I stopped. I hadn't realized that I was backing up slowly. "Away from here and away from you," I answered. I backed up further.

"Ah, wise," he said laughingly. "And I will allow you to do that, after you strengthen my power."

"How am I supposed to do that?' I shouted mockingly, laughingly. "I'm a vampire, not your fairy godmother."

"Catherine, Catherine," he chanted. "Just one touch from you is as good as a magic wand."

That stunned me. I stopped walking backward.

"You see, Catherine," he explained, perfectly at ease. "We vampires can have special talents, mine is tracking." I nodded. "You understand so quickly? Good," he continued, his tone getting sharper. "But, I'm not good enough. There are those who are better than me. There are those who can still escape my gift."

"Good for them," I muttered.

He ignored the comment. "I have seen you ability at work, Catherine."

I puzzled over his words. "My ability…?"

The corner of his lip lifted devilishly. "Your friend, Juliet, remember what happened with her?" he asked. "One day she's an average painter, the next day she's Leonardo De Vinci."

"Juliet?" my father said quietly. "You're still friends with her?"

I remembered that, about Juliet. I stepped backward. How was it he knew so much about me?

"Carl Winchester," James said casually. "He had a talent for numbers, but froze up on tests. You helped him out of that. He's a genius with numbers now. He's going to be an accountant, right?"

"That's two coincidences," I argued. "I touched them, so what? Maybe it was someone else being a good friend and fixing up their talents."

"Joanne Winter," James smirked. "Never could play that violin before you. She tried, and tried, she practiced and practiced. Until you, she was nothing. She's pretty good now though. I saw her play once."

"Three coincidences," I shouted, panicking. What was he going to do to me?

"Just one touch, Catherine," James smiled, looking sweetly at me. His face was average-looking. I wondered why he wasn't as stunning as Victoria's cat-like features or even my father's transformation—he looked stunning in comparison to the old pictures I had of him, paler too. I noticed that Victoria had been pale as well. James had that same marble-skinned quality as well.

"No," I whispered. "You'll hurt more people."

"Yes, I will," he said. "But you'll hurt people too. It's our role in this world, Catherine. We are the hunters, they are the hunted."

"Catherine, leave now," my father ordered, his back to me. "Get out of here, before he can hurt you."

I frowned. I worried. "But, Dad," I said softly. "What about you? I don't want to lose you again. I only just met you again."

His shoulders slumped and his posture softened. "Go, Cath," he ordered. "If we meet again, I promise I won't leave you then."

James leaped at me, not giving me time to think. His hand—skin no longer feeling as cold to my now cold skin—brushed my bare arm. I ran then. I ran as fast as I could.

I didn't look back. I heard shouting, I heard banging, crashing, and the echo of stone rubble bouncing off walls. I heard things you only hear in action movies after a series of bomb are set off. The banging would have made me cry, but I realized, being what I now was, I couldn't shed a tear ever again.

And that was fine with me. I rather not have outward evidence of how afraid I was.

* * *

I had no idea where I was going. I was probably better off in the sewer. Even death at the hands of James would be better than dealing with what I had to know. I had to deal with ignoring the rush of blood, everywhere. Hearts were beating in beautiful, beckoning rhythms. My mouth watered--not with saliva, but something that burned even on my tongue. The thought that came to my mind was venom, like a snake or something. But that was silly, right? I was--regretfully, I had to admit--a vampire. Vampires slept in coffins all day, burned in the daylight, drank human blood, had pale skin, fangs, and had nothing to do with venom.

I wandered amoungst the humans, lerching at anyone whose heart raced when they looked at me. I realized that I should be sleeping the day away in a coffin or burninf under the sunlight, but I wasn't. I didn't feel tired. I didn't feel hot--no burning in anyway, not like the fire that had been in my veins earlier that day. I was, for lack of a better word, normal.

It wasn't until I got trapped in a closed down building--hiding from the pulsing that was everywhere, trying _not _to drink anyone's life away--that I felt not normal.

I had been alone. The windows were boarded over, the door nailed shut with wood planks keeping it permanently closed. Some light came through where the boards were cracked or misplaced so that, being uneven, several inches were exposed. I sat in the corner on a pile of rubbish--it was dark, foul-smelling, toys from the looks of it--with my head in my hands. I stayed there for hours on end, days too. I was getting thirstier. My thirst built to the point where I was willing to drink the blood of my own mother if I saw here. I wanted anyone. But, from where I was, too weak to move, there was no one.

And then, he came in. Some stranger from the streets. He was breathless and was most likely running away from someone. I perked my head up and didn't move again until he turned around and saw me. When he saw me, he looked awed. He backed into the wall slowly, his eyes never leaving me. I didn't give him a chance to speak. I leaped on him, throwing my hands on him, digging in, crunching his bones for grip. I stuck my teeth into the first place possible. Like the traditional vampires before me, it happened to be his neck. I drank until he was dry. Even then, I wasn't completely satisfied, but I could think straight. I realized what I had done, taking into full account of what I had become.

I was horrified. I was a monster, in the exact literal sense of the word. I had not only killed an innocent boy, but I also drank his blood. Not only creepy but evil.

I had to, at the very least, leave the country. So, I did.

I got on an airplane. I couldn't face my mother again so I left the continent as well, too ashamed of myself to allow any connection to my old life to seep through. I left behind my human life--my mother, my friends, my past boyfriends, my hopes of a career--and decided to start a vampire's life. I would be a monster, there was no way around it--but I would be a good monster. I would do my very best not to kill again, and not for a very long time. That was possible, right?

I ended up in Mexico--I ended up being drafted for a vampire's war. I fought against newborn vampires under the direction of some older vampire--Gina was her name. I listened to her. I felt that she knew what a vampire's life was supposed to be. It wasn't the vampire life that I had pictured, but at least I had a companion. I never deamed though, after finding out what we were fighting for, that vampires could take over an enitire city--or an entire country if Gina had her way. Rumors of some 'Volturi' were spread. Some said they were coming to kill every one of us.

I left after finding that out. I wanted to be good, and I certainly didn't want some group of powerful vampires to come wipe me out. I had taken only a few months out of my new life. I headed upward, I ran the whole way. There, in Washington, D.C., I decided to make my home.

It wasn't easy. The first night there, I killed again. This wasn't in a dark alley or an old forgotten building either. This was near a witness.

I saw her coming toward me. She was nervous, afraid, and lost. Her blood was the most wondrous scent, calling to me. She showed me a map and asked for directions. I didn't listen. I breathed in her scent. It could only be compared to human experiences, but the best of those. Her blood was like a single note of a violin, hanging in the air above the rest of the orchestra, singing to me and only me. I couldn't resist the call.

I grabbed her by only using my teeth. I sunk them into her flimsy flesh. Her blood gushed from her body and poured into my mouth, promising to quench my thirst. Her body was nearly run dry when I heard shouting. I had forgotten about the other stranger there. He was tapping me on the shoulder.

"Hey, what are you thinking?" he asked. "Someone could see you!"

I dropped the woman's corpse. Her black hair scattered over her face and her limbs fell in an odd looking way, a broken way. I looked up at the stranger.

He was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. His eyes, scarlet from just being fed, told me what he was. I dropped my guard--not because he was of my kind, that would have forced my guard up in another circumstance--and found that something about him sang to me as well. I didn't crave him like I craved blood, but it was the same sort of feeling, that same quivering note above the orchestra, calling attention to itself and giving me no choice but to put all other sounds in the backdrop.

"A newbie," he laughed. His voice was deep, youthful, and as handsome as his features--all straight, and qualifying to be an airbrushed model. "There are rules you know."

"Rules?" I puzzled. I hadn't known there were rules.

"This is going to be interesting," he sighed. "What's your name?"

"Catherine Rosewood," I answered quickly--to quickly. In combination with my stunned expression and high-pitched voice, I sounded nervous of as if I had just been hit my a truck without any damage--which, would most likely happen, seeing as my body felt strong enough to crush a truck with my bare hands.

He laughed, surprised by my reaction to his question. "Where are you from?" he questioned softly. "Your accent, it's British, right?"

"Yes." I nodded. "I'm from London."

"How did you get all the way here, Cathy?"

I gaped. "Airplane," I said. If my heart could beat, it would have raced. His eyes--sharp and defined, deep and soft, lulling and pulling at me--never left me. "What are the rules?" I wondered. "I never heard of any rules."

"Where is the vampire that made you?" he asked.

"Dead, I hope," I muttered under my breath.

"Dead? Why?"

"My father--who happened to be a near by at the time--and a vampire--saved me from him," I explained eagerly. "James--the vampire who changed me--only did so because he wanted to use me--my gift--apparently. Then, he was going to kill me, I'm sure. So, I left. I had to run..." I was too easily trusting this stranger, but I couldn't help it. Something about the way he looked, the way he spoke, made him easy to trust. "By the way," I smiled. "What is your name?"

"Edwin," he said simply.

I mouthed the name. It worked nicely with my tongue. I smiled. I liked it.

"Cathy," he said, quieter, as humans--I could tell by their scent--passed by in a close pair. "Your new, you don't know the rules, why don't you let me help you?"

"Help me?" No one had offered to help me. This was the first vampire--besides my father--who I had talked face-to-face with and liked. He could help me. "Please," I begged. "Please, help me."

He nodded sharply once. "Follow me," he ordered, taking my hand.

He dragged me forward, and soon I followed obediently. I understood what was going on after a few minutes and a few more passing humans crossed our paths.

First of all, holding hands was a good charade, it helped us blend in. Every other passing couple was holding hands as well. It was dark, and it was time for the traditional moon lite stroll. The second reason was because I lurched every so often at someone who's blood smelled exceptionally good. Holding hands alerted him quicker. Holding hands allowed him to stop me without hardly anyone noticing. It was the perfect cover.

And, it also made me smile. I liked holding his hand--far too much than I should for someone I had just met.

* * *

"This," he said, gesturing to the two vampires ahead of him. "Is my family. Rosalind and Jeremiah."

The girl was beautiful, and sweet looking. The boy was stern but handsome. I smiled at them tentatively, but my eyes wandered--of their own accord--back to the boy beside me, Edwin.

"A newborn, huh?" Jeremiah grumbled. "Why do we have to help her?"

"Ah, c'mon, Jer," Edwin bellowed pleadingly. "You helped me and Ro, why not help her?"

"I guess there's no reason not to," Jeremiah sighed. "Sure, why not. We can help her--if that's alright with you, Rose?"

She nodded happily, smiling. "Of course! I hope she can stay with us for a long time. I can tell she's very nice."

"How?" I asked.

"Your aura," she grinned. "It's very clean, considering you've already killed two hastily."

I frowned. How she knew, I didn't know, but she knew. And, the way she put it, it made me feel all the guilt all over again. I didn't like it. My first impression of her was kindness, but now I wondered if she was saying something so mean on purpose.

"Rose," Edwin mumbled. "Don't forget how guilty you feel at that stage?" He turned to me, smiling sympathetically. "Please forgive her, she sometimes forgets that she was a newborn once herself."

"Yeah, sorry," Rosalind agreed. "I hope I didn't offend you. I was stating the obvious." Edwin rolled his eyes, seeing that her apology wasn't working on me. "I hope you can stay with us, and then maybe I can learn to be nicer to you."

"That'd be great," I said.

"Oh, you're from Britain, aren't you?" she assumed. "Why, London, I'd say. Am I right?" I nodded, startled by how she seemed to know things. "Sorry," she giggled. "You have a special talent, remember? Your little gift it strengthening mine. I can...see into a person's past."

That shocked me. After all the things that had happened to me, that shocked me. I had been turned into a vampire, killed two people, found out I had some power that strengthened talents, and now I was facing someone who could know everything about me.

"I normally can't see so much about a person's past," Rosalind furrowed her brow. "So strange, I feel like I'm intruding. I'm sorry. That's why I promise to make np physical contact with you!"

"What would that do?" I wondered. I remembered that James' hand had touched me when I ran from him.

"Well, it seems to strengthen the connection for me," she explained. "Getting closer allows my mind easier contact. You see, my mind works not only with your mind when I read through your memories, but how your body remembers them, how your emotions were then. So, physical contact helps. And, from what I can tell, physical contact allows permanent effects of your talent. If you touched me, I would forever be able to use my talent to this degree."

"Then, why not just touch me?" I said. "Why not get stronger? Thats' what--"

"James wanted, I know," she interrupted. "But, I have no need for such a silly power. If I was psychic, maybe. But seeing someone's past is fine from a distance. It works well for me."

"I see," I muttered. I felt a new respect for her now. She wasn't greedy like James. It seemed that none of them wanted to take advantage of me. They truly wanted to help me. And that was a very comforting thought.

* * *

"You almost had it that time!" Edwin cheered. His arms came around me and together we smiled and laughed joyously at my progress.

"You've done wonderfully," Rosa agreed. "Just another week, I think. You're close." She sighed. "If only I could see the future! That would be so helpful!"

"Your confidence in me is enough," I assured her, separating from Edwin to walk over to her. I touched my arm to her shoulder gently. "Thank you, so much."

"My pleasure," she beamed. "We were glad to teach you. You've been the most gracious student this past month."

"I can't believe how fast the month has gone by!" I exclaimed happily. "Moving from city to city! This has been the most wonderful time of my life! Even better than I was human." Edwin and Rosa froze on either side of me. "Because, I have friends that I trust more than anything."

"You had friends when you were human, good friends," Rosa argued. "Her name was Juliet, remember?"

"Juliet," I repeated. I said the name again and again. The name was familiar, but my mind wouldn't recognize it. "I can't remember her."

"Sometimes, a human life is more easily forgotten," Edwin explained. "It's understandable that you would forget. But still...to forget so soon..."

"It's fine with me," I said cheerily. "I've never been better, that I can remember. And very soon, because of what you've taught me, I won't have worry over killing again."

"Cathy," Edwin pleaded. "Don't sell your old life short. Trust me, there will be a day when you feel sorrow over not being able to recall your past. Rosa and I have forgotten our lives, and only Jeremiah serves as a reminder. But he was only around for the last year of our human life."

"Really? I didn't know that Jeremiah had been around for the entire year. You told me that he saved you, and then you and him saved Rosa from another vampire." I recalled the story with perfect detail. They had left out the fact that they missed their human lives.

"Well, he was there," Edwin continued. "He doesn't remember any of his human life either. Trust me when I say that you should cling to your human memories."

"Trust us," Rosa urged, taking my hands in hers. "Forgetting a human life can cause serious consequences. That's what we are all about, remembering the human life. The humans we feed on have lives, and we can't take those away from them."

"But they are our food," I protested. "Whether they have lives or no shouldn't matter. Sparing them only serves to keep our presence hidden, right?"

Edwin sighed behind me. "She's forgotten."

"What have I forgotten?" I asked. "I thought I was doing good. I haven't killed in a month and I've managed to take blood unnoticed for three weeks now."

"Almost unoticed," Edwin reminded me. "They feel more than a pinch. Your first human had to go to the hospital."

"But they lived," I pointed out. "I'm being very careful. You said I was close. I haven't forgotten that, Ed."

He rolled his eyes. "Where is Jeremiah?"

"He went to...clean up the mess."

That alerted me. "Clean up what mess?"

Rosa studied me carefully, debating between a lie and the truth. I knew that look, and I had learned it from my time with her, with all of them. They could trust me, and I could trust them. However, they still tried to protect my feelings. I appreciated them trying not to offend me, but I felt ready to know everything. I wanted them to know that.

"The man had a condition," Rosa explained; her voice was quiet. "Taking what little amount you did caused him to bleed. Jeremiah is making sure he made it to the hospital right now."

"What?" I gasped. I stepped back and ripped my hands out of hers. "Why didn't you tell me? Did you know?" I spun to face Edwin, his eyes were downcast. "Did you know about his condition then?"

"Of course not," Rosa cooed softly. "If we had known we would have warned you to pick another target. We can't detect all diseases, Catherine. Jeremiah had become very good at distinguishing diseases of blood, but he can't catch them all. This was an accident, nothing more. Don't feel guilty."

"I don't!" I snapped. "Why would I? It's only a human. I just wish that I hadn't messed up." I stamped my foot, throwing a fit like a four-year-old. "I wasn't close at all, you lied."

"No, we didn't lie," Edwin told me. "You were close. If that was any other person, it would have been perfect."

"It wasn't though," I said icily. "I messed up."

I whipped past him, rushing into the apartment that we had decided to stay in. (Normally, we didn't care much for four walls, we could live easily without them, but this time, we decided that we were going to stay for a while. So, hey, why not?) I ran up the stairs and ripped out the key. I locked the door behind me once I was inside. I gently slide onto the bed--not wanting to slam down and then break through the floor with my strength. I knew that the lock wouldn't stop them, but I wanted to give them a sign that I wasn't in the mood for talk.

I heard him the instant he clipped through the door, and didn't respond when he sat on the bed, next to where I was laying.

"Whatever you say, I'm not listening," I told him. "I don't care if you were just trying to be nice. I messed up. You should have told me."

"You didn't mess up," he whispered softly, his finger in-twining in my hair. It was something he had a habit of doing. I had never told him that he couldn't, so he assumed it was alright to feel through my hair. I didn't mind, but the strange thing was that he would stop whenever Rosa or Jeremiah approached.

I rolled over onto my back and twisted my head sideways to look up at him. "I think I did."

"Cathy," he sighed, pulling delicately on my hair, playfully forcing me to sit up as he pulled my hair. "You were perfect today. I could easily have made the same mistake."

"But you didn't," I pointed out, sitting fluidly beside him, and becoming statue-still, only an inch away from him. "I was the one who sent that poor man to the hospital." I lowered my gaze to watch his fingers moving smoothly through my hair rather than see his eyes, assuring me that I was in the right when I had to be in the wrong. "Sometimes, I wonder if I'll break. This past month, it's been easier to forget that I have taken innocent human lives. But I shouldn't forget. I am guilty, I have killed. I should've known better than to think I could fit in here with you! With Rosa and Jeremiah too."

"You fit in perfectly." His hand slid through my hair and his fingers brushed my cheek, resting there. "I promise you, Cathy, you'll get this."

"I hope so," I sighed. "I am so afraid that I'll hurt someone again! How could I live knowing that? I killed two people! What's a third to a blood-thirsty monster like me?"

Silence. Before I could react, Edwin had leaned my face up so that my eyes were forced toward him. "You are not a monster," he growled. "You are the most wonderful girl, innocent as far as I am concerned. Rosa and Jeremiah have killed more than you, do you think that they are monsters?"

I shook my head. "But they found this new lifestyle, so they don't have to kill."

"I have killed many more than you. Do you think that I am a monster?" he asked. His eyes were soft, and frightened, hoping for one answer only. His fingers drifted away from my cheek and fell down to my neck.

"No, you're not a monster," I answered, wide-eyed. "Edwin, how could you be? You're...great, sweet, not a monster at all."

"But I am exactly like you," he said. "No, I am _worse_ than you." He paused and drew in an unsteady breath. "Trust me, Cathy, you are not a monster. You're an angel, Cathy."

"Well, then only your angel, because I'm a monster to everyone else," I grunted. "Only to you. A monster to the rest of the world."

"I would like very much for you to be my personal angel," he joked, but the intent in his eyes was real.

I suddenly grasped at what he was saying. My mouth popped open and I wondered if I should take the bait. I hadn't thought that love could exist for a monster, but, just as he said, he was exactly like me. Rosa had Jeremiah, so why couldn't I find love, even in the state I was in?

No, it was too soon for thoughts like that. We were friends. He had saved me. I wasn't going to ruin the life I had by risking our friendship.

"I would like that very much," I whispered. "But, as I said, I'm a monster. There's no angels for rent here."

"Let me know when angels are for rent," he smiled. "I'll wait until then."

"Sure," I grinned. "You'll be the first to know."

"But you're not a monster," he said, his eyes serious and no longer joking or filled with desire and hope. "Next time, not a single drop of blood will be spilt."

"I promise."

His hand slid from my neck, and he re-positioned himself so that we weren't an inch apart, but four inches apart. My body felt like live static being so near to him after realizing his intention. Whether I was four inches apart form him or four feet, I was sure that I would still feel the pull to be closer to him. I had a feeling that the friendship boundary had been crossed.

* * *

Every week Edwin and I would end up sitting quietly, indoors or outdoors, side by side. The pull dulled, but whenever I was more than four inches from him, I had a push to be closer to him. I wasn't comfortable unless I was right next to him. It was strange, but, as the second month progressed, I couldn't help but feel that he was trying to get closer to me.

It was the second week of the second month of my stay with them that alerted me to Edwin's intentions. I gazed overly slightly, hoping just to stare at his handsome face, when I caught his eyes on me. He was watching me so carefully, with a saddened but sweet expression. We were two inches apart today, the closest we had been in a while. Rosa and Jeremiah had left my teaching in Edwin's hands while they went off to China for Chinese New Year. The Chinese New Year wasn't for a while, but they had wanted to travel through all of Asia first. They had never been, so they decided that now was the best time. I was left alone with Edwin, and it was December 24th, Christmas Eve. The sky was darkening, and I watched the stars all while watching Edwin watch me. We were a couple of gazers on an old church rooftop.

"It's Christmas Eve," I spoke softly. "The past month went by so fast, and now it's nearly Christmas."

"It seemed to go by slow for me," he said.

"Do you celebrate Christmas? Or do vampires not celebrate at all, religious or otherwise?" I questioned curiously.

"I haven't celebrated Christmas in a long while," he laughed half-heartedly. "But when I was human, I did. I remember that much."

"Did it snow where you lived?"

"On Christmas it always did, but I don't know about the other days of the year. It's all a blur."

I stared at him and prepared to ask a silly question. "Did you ever get Christmas presents?"

He chuckled. "What? How should I know. I didn't keep any of them if I did." He paused. "Why?"

"Well," I said, straightening up and pulling a card from my pocket. "It's not a present, but it's a card. The best I can do with my own money."

"It's not Christmas yet," he reminded me. "You have at least another two hours until that's a legitimate gift."

"Oh, just take it," I scowled. "I can't wait any longer. I already have to wait for Rosa and Jeremiah to come back to give them their cards. I don't want to wait around forever to give you yours."

"Two hours isn't forever," he corrected.

"With you, it can be," I said softly. "Now, open it."

I shoved the card at him and, reluctantly, with a sigh, he took the card from my hand. It was a small card, more square than rectangular. He opened the envelope the a vampire's grace, so that it tore open evenly. Slowly, he took the white hallmark card out. He laughed upon recognizing that it was store-bought and not of my own genius. He was looking at the inside of the card with a curious expression. He looked like he was trying to decipher a code.

"What's the matter? Don't like it?"

"No," he assured me. "It's great, thanks, but...you signed in oddly."

"Oddly? Do I have awful handwriting?"

"No, you didn't use your name though."

I grinned. "Yeah, I know. And that, that is my Christmas gift to you. Edwin, you can decide what to do with that."

He read the card one more time, and I read along, remember what I had written. I had the traditional "Happy Christmas" written on there, and the "thanks for taking me in and pretty much saving my life everyday". And then, after a series of X's and O's, I signed the card. As he said, I didn't use my name. I had signed it 'Your Angel'. I hoped it was a big enough hint.

"Since you've been impaitent," Edwin beamed, forcing me to look at him with a cheery smile of my own. "I have something for you, Cathy."

"Something for me?" I asked. "Why?"

"Please, Cathy, just open it," he ordered. "You already know the reason."

"No, I don't," I insisted, but Edwin was already shoving a small square package at me. I couldn't refuse it. "I'll open it, but I really want to know why. I thought teaching me how not to kill people would be a nice enough present."

"Guess again," he laughed.

I tore carefully at the brown-wrapped package. Inside the wrapping was a little blue box, the kind you'd see used to case in jewelry. I folded open the box and gasped at the gleam of the gold.

"Edwin!" I snapped, hearing happiness pour out from my voice. I slapped his arm gently. "You shouldn't have," I said. "This is too sweet."

"Not sweet at all," he said. "You are sweet, my angel. That's why..."--he slid closer to me and lifted the necklace from the box, revealing the little angel made of diamond from her case--"...I give you this."

"That's some cheesy words, Ed," I accused.

He shrugged, and then smiled. "I'm no hallmark card."

"Close enough," I whispered, eyeing the necklace carefully.

"May I?" he asked, gesturing to put the necklace around my neck.

I nodded at once and gathered my hair in my hands to drape it over my right shoulder. He went behind me, taking the two ends of the necklace and pulling them around to meet at the back of my neck. I kept my hair out of the way, and all the while I wondered if it was possible for an unbeating heart to be feeling so much. I was feeling something I had never felt before--and all he was doing was helping me put on a necklace.

"Thank you," I whispered, feeling that the clasp had been closed. His hands lingered at my neck, unmoving.

"You welcome." He didn't move.

"Go ahead," I encouraged. "I promised that I would be your angel for this Christmas season. That's my gift to you."

He hesitated, but then his hands softened around my shoulders. He kissed the top of my head and his arms wrapped around me. I spun around inside his arms and leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and hoped that he would get the hint to kiss me. Again, he hesitated, but he understood. He kissed me, softly at first, and then there was no holding back. His hand cupped my chin and my neck while my hands held strong to his shoulders. Soon, I was on the bottom and he was on the top. We laid on the church rooftop, kissing even after the sun rose up. Somewhere we muttered 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy Christmas' when the day had fully set in. We wouldn't stop until we were tired, and, being both vampires, that was nearly impossible.

We did stop though, and I couldn't stop smiling at him when we did. I was happy to see that he was the same. We stopped kissing, but we didn't part. I stayed in his arms for all Christmas day, and even the day after. It snowed, and we shook the snow off and walked the streets, our arms still around each other. I never wanted to let him go.

* * *

There was only one hour until midnight, until the year was over. Edwin and I were locked in stares. We new something had to happen. We couldn't just shout "Happy New Year" and be on with our lives. This year had been special. I had been changed for good and then I had met him. This wasn't just an ordinary new year with silly-string, count-downs, and shouts. This was the year that I had begun my new life.

We sat silently on the couch in our little apartment and waited for once of us to speak. I was the first to find my voice. I leaned back into the couch and stared at my hands for a second before bringing my eyes up again.

"Edwin," I whispered. "There's one hour left. I want this to be special."

"I know." He didn't look away, and I wondered if he was thinking the exact thing I was.

"There's...been something on my mind," I admitted. "I know this is hardly comparable to the connection I feel with you, but I want to."

"Want to?" he questioned, one eyebrow rose.

"I know that, technically, vampires can't sleep," I started, speaking in a nervous, rushed voice. "But, with you, Edwin, I want to be with you fully. I've never been with anyone else, not even as a human. I want to try...if you want to..."

He waited, he debated. There was no reason why we couldn't. He couldn't come up with and excuse, and I didn't want to come up with an excuse. There was nothing stopping us from making this New Year's special.

I reached out my hand to his neck. He didn't move. I caressed his cheek with my other hand and gazed into his eyes deeply. My hand brushed through his hair at the back of his neck, all while I drew myself close to him. I drew closer and closer until there was no space between us anywhere. I moved him with me as I leaned back, lying on the couch. He remained on top of me, and for ten minutes we stayed very still, locked in desperate gazes.

"It's your choice," I told him in a whisper. "I want only to be with you from now until the end of forever. You can do whatever you want with me, as long as you love me."

"I love you, Cathy," he said, bringing his lips to mine. He kissed me softly once, but then raised his head up again. "This isn't just my choice, it's yours as well."

"I want this," I assured him. "I want you. That's my choice."

"Then you don't need my opinion," he stated simply. "I am yours. I'll do whatever you want."

"But what do you want?" I asked.

He hesitated, waited. He smiled softly, and his eyes sparkled with lust for me. Their bright red stared down at me, drawing me in continuously. I waited, thankful that I no longer had a heartbeat, or else my heart would have leaped from my chest.

"Edwin, what do you want?" I repeated, my voice beginning to be breathless.

"You," he said.

He kissed me passionately. I was encased in his arms, and his hands roamed my body. I loosened his shirt and while he was focused still on kissing me I untied my shirt as well. I pulled him closer to me, and found myself kissing his neck while his lips traveled past my mouth. I hooked my legs around him and urged him closer to me, to push himself harder against me. I forgot to breath because of my need to press my lips to his skin. I was thankful for air not being a requirement for life anymore. All I needed were two things: Edwin and blood, and I had both of those now.

* * *

Rosa and Jeremiah came back. Edwin and I were ready to move to another city. We all moved together. I was happy to escape another city, all while hand and hand with Edwin. I was hopeful for my new life, and everything that had once seemed so horrible was happy now. I was expecting nothing but happiness now.

I was wrong to expect that though. I had no idea what trouble was just around the corner. I had no idea how strong the call of blood would be when I came across a town with people whose blood was the sweetest in the world. I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for a little group called the Volturi.

* * *

"Technically, I can't ever _sleep_ with you."  
I rolled my eyes. "Very mature, Edward."

- Chapter 20. Compromise, Eclipse.

* * *

**Okay, so that's bascially Cathy's life. The next chapter will probably also be from her point of view, but Bella's point of view is going to come back.**

**Please review! And sorry for taking so long on this new chapter! I was having a block after I wrote the first half.**


	7. Chapter 7 So Close

_Sincerely, Bella Cullen  
Chapter 7_

* * *

"Oh, wow," I muttered. "Um, how was it I saw her thoughts? I didn't know you could read the thoughts while you were seeing a person's memories."

"I can't," Rose answered. "That was all you. I only showed you the images, the actions. You brought the thought to the memory."

"So...did you hear her thoughts as well this time?" I asked.

She nodded. "It only make me miss her more."

She cast her eyes down, and--I noticed--so did the others. Ed had his eyes closed, and he raised his head back up. I wasn't sure what he was seeing behind his closed eyes, but it had to be something painful. Nothing about this situation was welcoming. I wanted to comfort them, even though I knew so little about them. Rose had trusted me with her power, showed me Cathy's life, and I still didn't know them. I was surprised that all Rose had to do was touch my forehead and the memories she was seeing could flow so easily into my mind--then again, it was as she said, it was my ability that had done that. I had been able to see the images--and the thoughts--so clearly because I was special. (Yay me.)

"She seemed...like a sweet person," I said. Although, after reading through some of her thoughts, she seemed rather bloodthirsty...but I wasn't going to share that with Ed, Jeremiah, and Rose. They obviously cared for her a lot--especially Edwin.

"She was," Edwin said. His voice, although rough with the far-off memories, was soft and reminiscent. He was still a million miles away, thinking on his love, Cathy.

I could relate. But I wouldn't--I had to keep focused. The faster I learned the special how-to-drink-blood-without-killing-humans method, I could go home. Focus was the key.

"So, it was the Volturi?"

"It was," Jeremiah confirmed. "Catherine couldn't handle being around so much blood...and we didn't realize it soon enough. She accidentally cut a little girl with hemophilia too deep. She tried to stop, help her if she could...but she lost control."

"May I ask, if you don't mind...?" I waited for Ed to nod his head before I continued with my question. "She lost control? How?"

"She drank the girl dry, and because of her guilt, she ran away," Jeremiah answered grimly. "Her rampage started there. We found her first, but the Volturi were already on her trail. They got there just after we had convinced her to come back to us."

I shuddered at the thought of Cathy killoing the little girl, completely out in the open. How many people saw? Did they think that Cathy was just a twisted killer? I know that I would if I saw the bloody murder of an innocent girl. But, in Cathy's case, I would run away. And I had run away, and I was here now. But I hadn't killed anyone else since...How many people did she kill after she ran away? Was it her choice? Did she think that everything was over for her; her life was lost, and she was a monster? Or...did she not have a choice? As a vampire, blood calls with the greatest temptation. Had she been unable to resist with her grief so high?

I glanced at Rose, Jeremiah, and, finally, Edwin. I felt for them. I could understand Cathy's point of view most of all, but it stung to see these people morning for their Cathy. It was strange, that Cathy and I were so alike. We both had made on mistake, and that mistake left us with no other option. We had run away, not thinking of anyways to settle our lives from where we had lived before. With our old lives over, with an innocent life lost...we chose to hide. Cathy had found Edwin, Rose and Jeremiah, a family, a place to belong. I had my family, and they protected me from myself the best that they could. But, just as I had done, Cathy had made a mistake. We ran away; as we had always done.

Seeing Edwin's pain made me imagine Edward's face. I struggled against the thought, not wanting to think about what I had avoided for so long. But I saw him. I knew how tortured he would be; I knew I was hurting him. I looked at Rosalind, and I saw Alice, troubled over my disappearance, but trying to console Edward, to do what was right for me. I saw Rosalie, and I wondered how she would feel. Would she say "I told you so," or would she be just as hurt as Alice by my quick getaway? I didn't want to think about how Emmett, always so cheerful, how he wouldn't be smiling anymore. Esme, my mother-in-law, mother-in-spirit, and mother in so many ways; she would be so hurt that I had left her. She had lost another child before, and I hated to do it to her again. Carlisle would be the same. He would be disappointed, but once I learned to control my thirst he would welcome me back, I was counting on that. Jasper would be so overwhelmed. All the clouded, despairing emotions crushing in on him. Was I wrong to leave? Maybe if I had stayed...

No. I was here now. I was going to master my blood-thirst and then I would fit in, finally, with the family I so loved. Already, just thinking about how proud my family will be once I return without the passion for murder...I could see Edward's smile again. I could look forward to that.

"Enough sadness though," Rose grinned. "We promised to help you, and so we will." She was grinning, but her voice remained sad, as did her eyes.

"Thank you," I said. "But..I'm sorry, for her, for you...I hate the Volturi even more now."

Jeremiah frowned, but his tone was approving. "High and mighty bastards."

I tried not to be shocked when I looked over and Edwin was scowling at Jeremiah. I tried even more so when the next words came out of his mouth.

"They do the right thing," Edwin said. "They aren't always resonable, and they should have seen how..how kind, how special she was...But they didn't. They were just trying to protect our species as a whole. High and mighty, maybe, but language is hardly required."

Jeremiah laughed, so I guessed that this wasn't a hurtful thing to say. Edwin must not have been offended by Jeremiah's words after all. It was some sort of role playing game. One played the I--hate-the-Volturi role while the other played the they're-not-so-bad role. It was a way of healing. That was clear enough. I was surprised that Ed had assigned himself that particular role, but he did it all the same. It was strange to watch, but admirable.

"But, as Rose said, we promised," Edwin smiled. It was a weak smile, but it was real. Their game must work.

"Just a little ways now," Rose laughed. "It won't be long before you're a master at this, just like us. It really is easy once you try it out a few times."

"Sure," I agreed sarcastically. "I know exactly what you're talking about." I reconsidered my tone, and recalled that I had just re-opened an old, painful wound. I used a softer tone when I spoke next. "So, what exactly is this technique? Are you going to tell me yet?"

"The technique.."

* * *

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. It passes unevenly, but it does pass.

* * *

It had been three weeks since I had run away. It had been three weeks, but I still hadn't mastered their technique. I had learned it, and all that was left was mastering it. I had learned to walk among people without lunging for their blood, but I thirsted for it as fiercely as ever. Every so often I could feel such a tense longing for blood that I sobbed, tearless, and clutched myself in restraint. The strangest thing I learned was trust for Rosalind, Jeremiah and Edwin.

Whenever I felt despair, Rose would smile and show me some comforting scene from some distant memory. She showed me her memories from her human life, back in the 1600s. It was like a story, with each memory a part of a new and enthralling chapter. When Jeremiah wasn't around, she would show me how they met, or some of his memories, all to comfort me. Jeremiah--when he was around--proved to be the best at instruction. He told me that my progress was better than most vampires they had helped--which was a number as high as 113, which, surprised me. Cathy and I had been the quickest learners--something else we had in common. Edwin was the best with encouraging words though. Everything he said was sweet, like he really cared about what I was going through. It felt like they all really cared. They did care--I believed that by the third week. We had become friends. They would never be my family, but they could be my friends.

The first stage of "the technique" was the hardest to learn, and it had taken the first full week. Simply walking among people, not touching them, had been the hardest to learn.

The second week had been the easiest. With my quickened reflexes, it was easy to lay a scratch on a human's skin without them noticing. I would see them flinch long after I had passed by. The would inspect the scratch and move right along. Sometimes they didn't even care and just kept walking. I had mastered that step in the first few days of the second week. The only trouble with that step was not doing anything more than a scratch, but that was what the first week was for. I had gained some control. It still took Rose or Edwin or Jeremiah's presence to remind me not to do anything more. They walked along with me, passing people--taking their fill of blood--all while monitoring my movements. By the end of the week, I had learned to take a single drop of blood of the scratch by merely balancing it on my fingertips. That was all that sustained me for the first two weeks of my training.

This third week was equally hard to the first week because it was frustrating. All I had to do, one last thing, and then I could go home. But I couldn't figure it out! I was stuck until I could go home with pride. I needed to not be a trouble when I went back to Forks. If I was still the same when I returned, my leaving would be for nothing.

I wasn't frustrated until Rose saw something about my family back in Forks. I had been calm, knowing that I was making progress. But Rose, sitting perfectly poised one moment, became rigid and her eyes widened.

"What is it?" I asked, becoming accustomed to talking openly with my new friends. I had already become accustomed to Alice's visions, and Rose's response was similar.

"Give her a second," Jeremiah reminded me. "She can't respond, even if she can hear you."

"I know," I scowled. "It's just that last time it was nothing interesting, and I want to know if this is something important."

"I thought that Rose seeing that dog dance around a hot dog was rather interesting," Edwin mused, recalling the scene that Rose had shared with us last week. "I don't see why someone would want to train their dog to do that but...interesting, nonetheless."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course. Only _you_ would find that interesting."

He flashed me a smile, and cocked a brow with pride. "I guess my sense of humor is a little bit lighter than yours."

"Poor me," I grumbled.

Rose inhaled deeply and her eyes jumped over to me. "They're coming," she said. "I had no idea...I wished I would have caught them making their decision...Belle, I think you better tell us now whether or not you want to leave us."

My eyes went wide. "What?"

"Let me explain," Rose said. She was frowning, and she looked worried. "Your friends, they're coming after you. They'll be here tonight."

"Tonight?" Oh, that was quick. "Who is coming? Do you know...names..?"

"Uh, no." She closed her eyes tight and brought the memory back to her mind. "Take a look for yourself."

I closed my eyes to focus on what she was seeing. I had also mastered my mind-reading abilities in the almost-three weeks of being here. I couldn't read Edwin's or Jeremiah's mind as well as Rose;s, but I was getting there.

I concentrated on Rose's thoughts. I saw the images blur in and out of focus. My breathe caught in my throat when I recognized the burred bodies--one in particular. In the absence, my mind hadn't been able to capture him quite as well as seeing him. Rose's mind was able to illustrate every detail of him. It was like standing right beside him.

I watched the scene carefully, never taking a second to inhale or exhale. I paid no attention to anything other than their movements, and their voices.

* * *

"Edward, she's so close though," Alice was arguing.

"And that's reason enough," Edward growled. "I'm going after her. I can't wait any longer."

Oh, Edward, I thought. I miss...Why can't you wait?

"Can't you give her until the end of this week? She's almost ready to come home," Alice said, still defiant to Edward's plans. I could hear the reluctance in her tone though. She wanted to come after me herself. "I've seen the people she's with, and she trusts them. She's perfectly safe with them."

"_I_ don't trust them."

"Of course you don't, but they're helping her. You need to trust that she's made the right decision."

"I'm not debating this anymore, Alice." Edward looked viscious, angry. I had hurt him so much.

Alice sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm coming with you," she whispered.

Edward's expression changed to shock, and so did mine. "You are? Why? I thought you wanted..."

The room fell quiet. I took note of the surroundings. They were both at the front door. Edward was ready to leave. His eyes were coal black, and so were Alice's. Alice probably had to stay with Edward to restrain him from coming after me. I had to remember to thank her for that, later, when I came back to them.

"Edward," Alice said sweetly, showing all her tiredness and worry in her pale, pixie face. "I want to go after her, probably just as much as you do, but I wanted to give her time. She was in a lot of...pain...But, despite that, I can't wait any longer either. She has to come back to us."

Edward nodded. "Thanks, Alice."

"Let's not tell Carlisle or Esme," she grinned. "I told them that I'd make you wait. They won't be happy when they found out that we left without them."

_And I'm not going to tell Jasper_. _He's too overwhelmed by all the fog-thick emotions_.

Edward nodded again.

_If Emmett finds out he's not going to be happy that we left him behind either._ _Hopefully Rosalie dearest will make sure he doesn't take his disappointment out on us_.

Edward laughed. The sound was broken. It was beautiful, but it wasn't the alluring chuckle that I was so accustomed to. His smile didn't touch his eyes. He turned to the door. Alice and Edward left the house, and Rose's mind closed.

I opened my eyes and took in a deep breath as quietly as I could.

"I see," I said.

"What do you see?" Edwin asked. "Let us see."

Rose went to Jeremiah and touched her hand to his forehead to show him what she saw, and I did the same to Edwin so that he could see. I had discovered that I had that rare ability too. I could show other people the thoughts I picked up; I could share them as long as there was physical contact. Part of me wondered if I had somehow picked it up from Rose.

After Rose and I stepped back, Jeremiah and Edwin shot a short glance at each other, then to Rose, and finally back me. They awaited my decision.

I sighed. "Great."

"Do you want to stay or do you want to wait here for them to find you?" Rose asked softly.

I thought it over. Was Edward right? Had I been away long enough that I could come back?

"Whatever your decision, we'll go along with it," Edwin said.

I nodded sharply in thanks and went back to my thoughts. I wanted to be able to come back and not be someone that my family had to guard all day and all night--literally--like my friends had to. I needed more time.

"Alright," I said. "Let's go."

"Go?" Jeremiah's voice was as confused and muddled as his expression.

"I wanted to learn this technique thoroughly. I'm not going to quit now," I explained. "If they want to come, then they can track me down." Shock and surprise decorated the faces around me in equal doses. "You've done so much for me already. Can I ask that you help me some more?"

Edwin was the first to respond, and he was thrilled. "You want to stay?" he asked.

I nodded. "I want to master this, just as I said," I confirmed. "I _am_ going to go back to them, after I am not so...blood-thirsty, because they're my family."

"Of course," Jeremiah agreed. "We understand that."

"But," I interrupted, pausing to take a breath before I continued. "I will always remember you when I leave. You've been...so kind to me. No one can replace my family, but you can come pretty close some days."

They all laughed, and I laughed with them.

"I suppose we have our bad days," Edwin grinned. "And we--or I do--feel exactly the same. You're welcome to come find us again."

"After we finish training you up," Rose reminded him. "She's not leaving yet."

"Yet," Jeremiah repeated.

"Then we have no time to waste," Rose beamed. "Let's make a run for it!"

"Yes, lets." Edwin rolled his eyes, but he was still grinning.

So we left Chicago and headed for--well, I wasn't really sure. I never knew where we were going. It was constant travel. I had lost my track record of how many cities we had visited already.

_Forty-three_.

I froze. That wasn't Rose's mind reaching me. It wasn't Jeremiah's or Edwin's either.

_You were about to ask that question a out loud, and I saw it_. _I decided to answer it_. _Oh_, _and you were going to tell them that you heard me speaking_, _so that's how I know you're about to ask that as well_.

Alice.

"There's no use running anymore," I said.

"What?" Edwin turned around to face me.

"They're at the city limits right now," I explained. "And they happen to be very fast."

"Then this will be an interesting chase for them," Edwin grinned, looking mischievous and amused all at once. "And for us. I have to argue that I think we're fast too."

"Of course you would find this predicament interesting," I mumbled. "But, sure, why not? Let's try it."

Rose and Jeremiah shot looks at each other, and Edwin gave me a wicked grin before they sped off, me following closely behind. I was running away again, but this time, I couldn't find a reason. That might have been what slowed me down. I was thinking to heavily, trying to find a reason to go and a reason to stay all at once. I kept running though, and I didn't look back.

Alice and Edward were already close behind on my trail. Any hesitation and they would catch up. I didn't know how long we would try to outrun them, but we would try. I knew they would catch up; it was impossible that they wouldn't. My only worry was what I would say to them when they _did_ catch us.

Hey, guys, sorry I left...

So, you caught us. Good job.

Alice, I knew you could see me the whole time! What took you so long?

Edward...I die every day that I am not with you. The only problem is, vampires don't die that easily. So, I'm glad you caught up. I'm alive for the first time in a long time. Can you ever forgive me?

* * *

**Yay, new chapter. REVIEW please. Thanks, kids.**


	8. Chapter 8 Sorry

**This is the second last chapter of "Sincerely, Bella Cullen". I hope you enjoy and sorry it's so short.**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Sorry**

Dumb idea, right? Run away from someone you would rather run to. Who would ever try that? Oh, yeah, me.

I had no idea why I was running! Was it becoming instinct now? Whatever the pull to run was, it had won out. And turning back now wasn't an option. I was afraid to face him now, knowing that he was after me, that I had hurt him so badly. And Alice too. Had she already seen me run away before she spoke to me? Or was that decision made so quickly and suddenly that she was as equally shocked as I was? Whatever the case was, I was running, and they were eventually going to catch up, but my tongue was already tied up--I couldn't give them an explanation for my strange actions.

"Wow, they are fast," Jeremiah muttered.

"No wonder you chose them!" Rose laughed. "They're good at chasing you down! Must be fun for you."

I was hoping that was sarcasm.

"So, that Alice," Rose shouted over the wind and hail that was coming at us. "She's the psychic one? I caught her name, from something, a memory..."

"Yeah, that's her," I confirmed.

"She's short," Rose stated.

I smiled. "You're just too tall."

She shrugged. "Maybe."

We continued to race forward with our fastest speeds, but I could feel him getting closer, and Alice too. I had always been hyper-aware of Edward, and this occasion was no excuse to that norm. I could feel him getting closer and closer, with Alice close behind him. Overall, they were close. Maybe a mile away--and that distance was decreasing steadily.

"How soon before they catch up?" Edwin asked.

There was a pause. I didn't know who he was asking, or if he was just thinking aloud. Either way, I kept my mouth shut.

The tall grass swerved in the hard wind, and little white specks pounded at it. Small shrubs, spread unevenly throughout the open field, were pelted by the large, hard, hail. I barely felt it peck against my diamond-hard skin.

"Just a few minutes, if we're lucky," Jeremiah said.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted," Edwin sighed.

I rolled my eyes. "Fun isn't the word I would pick."

"At least now we get to meet your family," Edwin grinned, throwing me a look over his shoulder.

"Only two of them," I corrected. "The other five don't know--"

"Other five?" Rose gasped. "That's so huge! And I thought _three_ was big!"

"No, it's eight when we're altogether," I said. "Seven, before I...ruined--"

"You didn't ruin anything," Edwin interrupted. "You made a mistake, easily fixable."

I didn't like the way he referred to the...'mistake'. Damien, who I had murdered, was dead. Mistake wasn't a word that covered that. It had been much more than a mistake. It was disgusting. Being a vampire was harder than I had ever thought it was going to be.

"Alright, now we can stop," Jeremiah muttered. He halted to a stop, as did Rosalind and Edwin. "They're here," Jeremiah explained.

Oh, crap.

"Thanks for stopping," said the angelic voice that I hadn't heard in three weeks. "We were afraid that we would have to physically try and stop you."

"Hey, we were going to stop once you caught us," Edwin grinned, turning around to face behind me. "There was never a need for violence. We're on the same side here."

"We were hoping you would say that!" Alice cheered. "Makes things less of a mess."

Oh, _crap_. I didn't turn around. I watched Rose with my eyes, she had one brow raised and she was gesturing me to turn around. I shot her a look that said no-chance-in-hell-am-I-turning-around. She sighed and shook her head.

"You're Alice, right?" Rose grinned, gesturing to where I could only assume Alice was.

"Yes, how did you know that? Is Bella very talkative these days?" Alice laughed, sounding as light-hearted as I remembered.

Rose smiled softly. "Not exactly, she wasn't three weeks ago, but I guess you can imagine why."

"I can."

I peeked over my left shoulder, and was happy to see that Alice was there. I turned fully to face her, trying to keep myself calm. I didn't look to the right, where I knew Edward was.

"I'm sure you already know what I am about to tell you," Rose laughed. "What an extraordinary gift you have! I'm so jealous."

"Well, it's just as Bella said," Alice chimed, her eyes still on Rose. "I agree with her entirely. Seeing the memories of a person can come in handy."

"Wow, you are good," Rose gasped. "That's incredible!"

"I see all," Alice shrugged, grinning as she did so. Alice trusted Rose, that was a good sign. "Now, I didn't catch names, do you mind?"

"I'm Rosalind--or Rosa, or Rose, or Kylie--my middle name--some days. I like to change it up, but today, I'm Rose," she introduced. "This is my mate, Jeremiah. And that's my brother, Edwin."

Alice took a second to register the names. I could see the slight shock in her eyes as she realized what I had realized--the names, the faces, scarily similar at times.

"I'm Alice, and this is my brother, Edward," Alice said, in turn introducting herself and Edward.

My eyes flashes over to Edward. And, sure enough, he was looking at me. His face was organized into a calm mask, but his eyes held such hurt that I had to look away again. I kept my eyes on Alice.

"So your name is Bella," Edwin grinned. "That explains the Bel--it-doesn't-matter' bit."

I stayed stiff. Everyone noticed, but they didn't say a thing. Rose gasped, and I looked at her. Alice recognized what it was right away. We exchanged glances. Her eyes told me that she was very upset with me. I tried to apologize, but words were beyond me.

"Oh, I see," Rose said. "Belle--er--Bella, I guess this is where we part."

I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. I cast my eyes down after a quick glance at each of them in turn.

Rose walked over slowly, and tapped my shoulder. I looked up, she was smiling sweetly at me.

"Don't worry," she assured me. "You're where you belong now. I think you can forgive yourself."

I nodded. She was probably right, but it didn't feel that way. "I'll miss you," I said, and then turned to Edwin and Jeremiah. "All of you."

"Hey, visit anytime, Belle," Edwin told me. "If, that is, you can find us."

"I'll keep that in mind." I glanced at Jeremiah next. He nodded, I nodded. It was a silent, but welcomed goodbye.

"Thanks, for every thing," I smiled nervously. "You've been so wonderful."

Rose shrugged. "Hey, it's what we do, it's who we are. Wonderful, twenty-four-seven, always."

I laughed, but found no humor there. I was strained. The hail slowed to a stop, and the wind was barely a gust now.

Rose hugged me with a tight squeeze, and then turned me to face her head on. "Keep a weather-eye open, we're always around. But, keep in mind, Bella--to quote one of my favourite movies--there's no place like home." She glanced over my shoulder, and I could tell she was looking at Edward. "I can see that you already have a home. You shouldn't run from it anymore. You had your adventure; you had your freedom. Now is the time to realize that you were right where you belonged all along. All you have to do is go back. Forgiveness will follow soon after."

I thanked her with a smile. "Rose..."

"Now, we're leaving," Rose shouted over her shoulder. "I am in the mood for a little Broadway!" I heard Edwin groan, and Jeremiah kept silent. He probably felt the same way, but, considering that Rose was his partner, he was keeping quiet for her sake. "Bye, bye, Bella."

"Goodbye," I whispered.

Rose stepped back. And then, they raced off. I watched them and didn't turn around until they were completely out of sight. I steadied my breath and faced Alice first.

"Alice," I greeted nervously.

"Bella, why did you have to go!?" she shouted. She raced forward and wrapped her arms around me. "We were so worried! We couldn't sleep! We couldn't eat!"

"The sleep part, I can imagine," I laughed. Alice had made me feel so welcome already. "The eat part makes me a little worried."

"Don't worry, we're fine," she assured me. "Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper took off to feed and make sure that at least _some_ of us were sane in the house."

"So, you're not sane?" I questioned.

"Hardly, never have been, never will be," she told me. "And besides, we're not in the house. Being cooped up was driving us crazy! You have no idea how difficult it is to keep Edward from running off. Whoa, let me tell you. I will never do that again. If you ever try to run off again, I will let him come after you."

"I won't run off again," I promised.

"Good," she said softly. She dropped the excited facade and the worry in her eyes wore at me.

"I'm so sorry, Alice," I whispered. "I'm so, so sorry. I can't expect you to forgive me...I just, I just hope that...I don't know. Whatever it is you can offer, I'll gladly take it."

"Alright," she agreed. "I already have a punishment in mind." She paused, and I waited, wide-eyed, for my punishment. "You have to actually talk to Edward. Now."

My mouth popped open. Holy crow, when Alice thinks up punishments, she thinks up the definition of torture. I was already nervous enough about talking/apologizing excessively to Edward. Now, I had to do it straightaway.

Alice stepped back, and I allowed my eyes to drift at a snail's pace over to Edward. I didn't look at his eyes at first. I gazed at his shoes, debating if I could consider talking to his shoes instead of talking to his face. That might make things easier. I brought my eyes up slowly, and--painfully--looked into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I whimpered. My body shook with sorrow and anxiety. I shook my head and began to sob as I spoke. "I'm sorry I ran, I'm sorry I failed, I'm sorry I killed someone, I'm sorry I ran _again_, I'm sorry I'm so awful, I'm sorry I--"

Edward, who had been several feet away before, was now right in front of me.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry I failed you."

I shook my head. "No, you didn't fail me, You're perfect, I messed up. I--"

"Please, Bella," he interrupted, pain deeply rooted into the tone of his velvety voice. "This isn't your fault. I forgive you for every thing, even though you didn't do anything wrong. Does that make you feel better?"

Oh no. He was trying to make me feel better again. I forgot what that was like; it hurt more than scolding; he was too nice.

"I-I...I wish...I could take it all back," I mumbled. I closed my eyes and brought my hands up, but didn't touch him. I was afraid of what he was thinking about me. "I wish I hadn't done it, I wish...I wish...things would be so much better if...if I was still human!"

"Bella," Edward murmured. He sounded closer to tears than I was.

I opened my eyes and watched his expression contort with pain. His hands edged closer to me, and I watched as he considered putting his hands back at his sides. He didn't. His hands covered my shoulders. I sucked in air, and collapsed into him. I buried my face into his chest and sobbed, tearless and beyond distraught.

The wind completely stopped. I heard footsteps stop just a few feet away from me.

"You know, I could fix that," Edwin said.

I gasped and spun around. "What?" I asked. How did he get back so fast?

"Rose said there were two of us with abilities, remember?" Edwin reminded me. "I'm that other one. I can reverse the change if you want."

My eyes widened exponentially. I stared, completely stunned, at Edwin. Then, I exchanged glances with Alice, whose expression was plain, calm. She already knew my decision. I looked at Edward. Alice was blocking her mind from him. I tried once to see if I could catch a glimpse of what she had seen.

_Oh soft what light through yonder window breaks_, _it is the east_, _and Juliet is the sun_. _Arise fair sun and kill the envious moon who is already sick and pale with grief_, _for thou maid art far more fair than she_...

Alice was focusing hard on the balcony scene for Romeo and Juliet, and she swiftly moved to through to the next scene, the next act, and there was no hope of me seeing what decision I had made in advanced. She didn't want to influence me. I respected that, but I would have rather known what I was going to pick, to see if it was the right decision.

"You can reverse the effects?" I questioned. "I would be human again?"

Edwin nodded. "If that's what you want. I don't offer this to anyone, only to those who really deserve it, who need it. You seem to need a choice."

"A choice," I repeated. "A choice the Volturi took away from me."

"They already know that you've been changed," Edward said. "So they wouldn't check on you again."

"You're right," I said. "It is possible..."

"It's your choice," Edwin told me. "You decide."

So I was making the choice all over again. I had decided so quickly the first time. I was going to think about this. I was going to make the right decision. I thought about Rosalie, how she had warned me. Was I about to prove her right?

* * *

**So what do you think? Sink or swim? I haven't decided whether or not Bella will remain a vampire or not...or have I? Secret, secret. Review please, and let me know what you think of Bella's choice...human or vampire?**

**Next chapter is the last!**


	9. Chapter 9 Sincerely, Bella Cullen

Sincerely, Bella Cullen  
Chapter 9

To be or not to be a vampire? That's a question I've asked myself on more than one occasion--but never when I was already a vampire. When I had been human--fragile, and without blood on my hands--the question had been answered all too quickly. Yes, I had said. I had said that I had wanted to be a vampire, to be with Edward. So...why would I change that decision now? I wanted to be with Edward, live with him forever. Being a vampire allowed me to be with him on equal grounds. That's what I wanted. (Still, we would never be on equal grounds. He was perfect and I...well, I had run away after murdering someone I had tried to save. Hardly equal.)

"How does it work, exactly?" I asked. Edwin perked a brow in response to my non-specific question. "I mean, is it three painful days again?" I clarified. "What strings are attached? Is there a catch?"

Normally, my bizarre questions would be the cause of a smile--Edwin would have smiled, and Edward probably, maybe Alice--but this was a serious topic. There was no room for jokes or jesters. This was a one-time opportunity. I either had to take it or leave it--not play around with it for a bit.

"The catch is...you won't be a vampire anymore," he answered warily.

My eyes widened, and I turned myself away from Edward, still keeping my hand on his chest. "No pain? Just change?"

"No pain, just change," he repeated.

What was I supposed to say to that? That was the most wonderful gift in the world! I thought of the possibilities, imagining all the newborn vampires who were brought into a confusing world--one where all they had ever known was to be human, and the next thing they knew, they were murderers. I thought of Bree, the girl who Carlisle had spared when Victoria had brought her gang of newborns to get at me. I thought of Riley, who had been so cruelly tricked into following Victoria's ploy. Come to think of it, all of the vampires that Victoria had made to kill me, to kill the Cullens, they could have been spared. I was certain that many lives could have been saved, like the vampires wars down south. Jasper wouldn't have so many scars...

But, then again, would Jasper have met Alice then? If the southern wars had never happened, Jasper would never have become a vampire. Where would Alice have been then? If Edwin's gift had been used on every vampire there ever was, the world would not be what it was today. Surely Carlisle would have been born as a vampire, because Edwin hadn't been alive that long. But, Carlisle would have continued to be lonely. If Esme had been turned back, would she have tried her suicide attempt again? Would she succeed? What about Rosalie, would she have been killed after her brutal rape? Emmett would have been mauled by the bear. He would be dead. And Edward...

If a power like Edwin's had reached Edward Mason, I would never have met Edward. There would be no Edward Cullen. There would be Edward Mason, buried in the earth after marrying some pretty strawberry-blond named Tanya. Or maybe he would have gone to war. Either way, Edward and I would never have met.

"Bella, if you become human again, I'm joining you," Edward whispered. I stared up at him in shock. "We could grow old together. There would be no reason to hide from Renee or Charlie."

I thought about that. Renee and Charlie would grow old and die...and never see me again. But, if I were human, they could see me. I could have children--I nearly blushed at the thought of Edward and I having children--and then grandchildren...I could keep contact with my human friends. I could be friends with the werewolves who now all despised me.

"I can't believe you left without us!"

I spun my head around--as did the rest of the group I was with. Our eyes fell on Emmett, whose smile now faded as he saw Edwin. Rosalie arrived, and now it was Edwin's turn to look surprised. He noticed the resemblance too. He shot me a look, reminding me that I still had to make a choice. I faced him, and watched Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper arrive in my peripheral vision. They took in the seen, and got the hint to keep quiet.

"So, do you want to be human again or not, Bella?" Edwin asked sweetly. He could see that I was feeling pressured, and having my family all around me--whether they had forgiven me or not--was not helping to make my decision any easier.

"Human?" Rosalie piped. "You can make her human again?"

I flashed a wide-eyed look at Rosalie. She wasn't looking at me; she was looking at Edwin. I could see the longing in her eyes; I could see how badly she wanted the offer to be made for her.

"The offer is open to any of you," Edwin clarified. "You're a friend of Bella, and so, a friend of mine."

Okay, Edwin just got ten points on the decent guy scale. He had won quite a few points in the last three weeks. (Although, he was no where near Edward, who had to be transferred to the perfect guy scale pretty much when I met him.)

"I...I don't know what to say," Rosalie murmured. She looked at Emmett shyly. She wasn't going to take the offer, because she wanted to stay with Emmett forever.

"Rose, if you really want to, then go ahead," Emmett suggested. His voice was soft, and I had never heard it so quiet. It was the complete opposite of what I was used to; he was some alternate Emmett that I never got to see.

"We can be human together, right?" he continued. "Rose, I know this is what you want, so why are you hesitating?"

"But, you love being a vampire," she whispered, a little harsher than she needed to be. "You'll lose all your souped-up strength, Emmett. And there will be no point going back if we decide this."

He shrugged. "That's fine. It's your choice. I'm not going to remain a vampire without you, and I want you to be happy, Rosalie."

Rosalie glanced down shyly, and I could have sworn she was having a I-can't-blush-anymore-but-I-would-be-blushing-if-that-were-possible moment. I had never seen Rosalie act like that before, and it made me realize that she was just as torn as me. Emmett was willing to give up being the strongest, being able to beat up on any tree, werewolf, or vampire that crossed his path, all for Rosalie. That put a lot of guilt on her.

What about Edward? He was doing the same thing. He was giving up his speed. I knew how much he loved that--he had told me on more than one occasion. He was willing to give up the life he had learned! It would all be for me.

I watched as Alice and Jasper exchanged glances. They both shrugged, in synchronized motion. They smiled at each other, and Alice skipped lithely backward to wrap her hand around Jasper's arm. It was the sweetest little exchange I had ever seen. They wanted to be exactly as they were, with each other, for always.

I took a slyly glace at Carlisle and Esme next. They made no movements. They were staying as they were too. They held hands, and they watched Rosalie and Emmett, worrying over their children. I wondered what worry they had for Edward--did they have worry for me, even though I had run from them? Esme's eyes flitted toward me, holding the same concern as she held for Rosalie and Emmett, and her eyes fell on me. I knew they had forgiven me--not that I deserved it--and that Esme, at least, worried for my decision. I was sure Carlisle felt the same, for his eyes flickered between Rosalie and I. We were in control of what was about to happen. It would be our choice. We would choose, and the one we loved would come bounding after us.

"I like my life as it is," Rosalie announced, shocking everyone, including me--including Edwin as well. Rosalie shrugged, and stepped closer to Emmett, smiling at him, thanking him and loving him with only her smile and her eyes. "Who I am is fine with me; what I am will always be. I'm not about to change that now."

I could see a little relief in Emmett's face. He had been about to give up the life he had become accustomed to, and he liked his strength, no doubt. To give it all up would be a dramatic change--oh, he would have done it alright, all for Rosalie. There would be some tone of regret to the decision though--for both of them. That's why Rosalie couldn't honestly choose to change her life so drastically; she would be changing Emmett's life too. And all of our lives; Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Edward, and me, we would all be effected.

The last choice was on me.

Edward Cullen, human. Wow, that was so strange. I hadn't thought he was human since the moment I met him. But, if I made that particular choice, he would be human. I would be Bella Cullen, human. It didn't seem..._right_. After all I had worked for--what we had worked for--to give it up so quickly. I had lost my best friend to become a vampire--and now I would give that up? Make the struggle worthless? I had agreed to giving up my human family for that question--to become a vampire. Now, I would change my mind?

"Edwin, thanks for everything," I said, smiling. "But, no thanks. Just as Rosalie said,"--I shot her a grin, and she shot me the same, thankful, warm smile--"I like my life as it is."

Edwin shrugged, but he smiled too. "That's fine. I'll see you around then. Maybe."

"Maybe," I agreed.

My life for the past three weeks--Edwin, Rosalind, Jeremiah, and 'the technique' that I hadn't fully learned--was over. My human life--and all the chances at a human life--was over. My life as Bella Cullen was only just beginning.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked.

"Yes," I answered. "Completely sure."

Edwin nodded once at me, and I once at him, and then he raced away, sending only the softest breeze behind him. I barely felt my hair ruffle in the breeze. I did, however, notice it ruffle when Edward slid hi hand through my hair and onto my neck. My eyes flashed toward him, and I retained an expressionless nonchalance.

"Bella..."

"Yes, Edward?"

"Why?"

His expression was unfathomable. His eyes were unreadable. I could only watch as his face twisted into something more understandable--sadness. He was thinking that I made my decision for him; that he had ruined my life and taken away all my choices. That was fathomable; that was Edward.

I reached up and kissed his flawless lips, and smiled into the kiss as I felt his shock register. I pulled myself away--with great effort--and made sure he could see my smile--see the confidence in my choice. His brow furrowed, but he wasn't so regretful anymore. He seemed to understand that I could be happy, just as I was, just as I understood.

"I made this decision already," I explained. "I'm not turning back now. I want to be with you--forever--Edward, so there is no turning back. There was no turning back from this choice, not since the day I met you, and maybe even before that. I think this was fate. I'm supposed to be with you, exactly like this."

"But what about..." He trailed off, clearly implying all the events that had lead to my sudden getaway three weeks ago.

I shook my head. "That doesn't matter to me." I paused. Maybe he was implying something more? "Does it matter to you?"

"Bella, I love you, nothing you could ever do would have the slightest change in my opinion of you," he said. "It doesn't matter to me; but if it would hurt you to look back and think that you should have made another choice..." I frowned at him, and so he continued without regarding that train of thought. "Since that doesn't matter, I want to spend eternity with you. I don't want anything to stand in the way of that. Is there anything I can do to make this easier on you? Since only a moment ago you were so resentful to the idea of remaining as you are."

"I'm not resentful," I told him. "I was...overwhelmed. I'm not anymore."

"That quickly?" he mocked. His smiled crookedly at me, and that was proof that the worst was behind us.

I nodded sharply. "Oh, yes, that quickly."

"You are such a silly girl, my love," he whispered, kissing my cheek.

"I know," I sighed. "But that's my remaining human quality."

Edward didn't stir; he kept quiet, considering my words; my last human quality. I was every bit the same as I was when I was human; I was me, essentially. Maybe I had been stir crazy before, being cooped up inside the house for such a long time, but that feeling was long gone. I had escaped--I had made mistakes--and now I was ready. I had thought I wasn't, but...being Bella Cullen was the most important thing to me; being with Edward, as we were, as I intended we were to be, was priceless.

Every once in a while, I had caught those commercials. Things would flash across the screen, a pair of new jeans or an ice-cream cone, for example, and then it would end with that one priceless thing. Whether it be a smile, a friendship, or something else non-material. Well, now, if I really wanted something, I had access to all of Edward's and Edward's family's acquired money. But that one priceless thing wasn't something I could attain from being regular human Bella. I wanted forever to love Edward; that wasn't something I could buy with Mastercard or Visa or whatever card being advertised. No amount of plastic or cash could get me what I wanted. No measly 100 years to live would be enough time. I wanted _forever_. That was priceless.

"You're absolutely sure?" Edward asked again.

"I'm sure," I said. "I'm sure that I want you forever." I paused--before kissing him--and turned to the rest of his family, and looked at them each in turn. "And I want to be a part of this family forever...if that's alright still."

"Of course it is," Carlisle said. "You've always been welcome to this family."

"And always will be," Esme assured me. She smiled sweetly, warmly, and reached her arms out, stepping forward, ready to hug me. I left Edward's side for a second to hug Esme. "Welcome back, Bella," she whispered sweetly.

"Thanks, Esme," I replied. I stepped back out of the hug and gave a new smile to the rest of my family. "Thanks to all of you."

"Hey, our pleasure," Emmett said. "Just, please, no more running off."

Rosalie nudged Emmett rather hard, and I shot her a thankful smile. She smiled and shrugged at me. We, at least, were on good terms again. Rosalie was always the hardest to speak to, so I was glad a warm smile would suffice.

"Don't worry, she won't run off again," Alice chirped. "Not from what I can see."

Alice was, as always, chipper. Her smile was the warmest, and the widest--showing all of her glinting white teeth. Jasper, beside her, was smiling too. It was like a Kodak moment. But, since I was a _vampire_, I had a wonderful memory. I would store that memory, and that feeling, forever. That was another priceless thing. I had this family forever. And I would never, ever have to leave them behind.

* * *

"I am sincerely sure that this was the best decision," I whispered to Edward. We had made the long trip back to Forks, and I was more than pleased that the second we got in the door all Edward wanted to do was kiss me. That made me feel completely at home.

"I am sincerely glad you think so," Edward mused.

I rolled my eyes, still smiling. His good mood was impossible to shake, and when I had asked him about it, it had been because I was back. (Another I'm-glad-I-can't-blush-anymore moment.)

"So, we leave for Alaska tomorrow," I grumbled.

"Do you really want to stay another day?" he asked.

"No," I said, all too quickly.

"Why so quick to shoot that down, love?" he chuckled.

"The last time I requested more time was a bad idea," I told him. "I am _not_ going to put you through that again."

"Bella," he scolded. "Think about yourself for once."

"I am," I argued. "Putting you through that again would be torture for me."

"Which reminds me," he murmured, caressing my cheek lightly, and staring at me with tense, worried eyes. "Why did you run from me when you found out that Alice and I were coming after you?"

I blanked. "Oh," I mumbled. "That. I was hoping for an easy question." I jumped up from our bed and nearly started pacing the room out of nervousness.

"That isn't an easy one?"

"No, it's a very hard one," I groaned, covering my face with my hands. "Because you won't understand. You'll think that I was very silly."

"Bella."

I turned to face him, dropping my hands to my sides as I did so. He was giving me a scolding, impatient look. (Again, he couldn't read my mind, so my dawdling made things incredibly difficult and irritating for him.)

"Fine," I scowled. "I ran because I was afraid I had hurt you! I didn't want to see you hurt."

Edward's jaw tightened, but he kept his eyes on me. My own eyes flickered to him, and then away again, repeating the pattern until my eyes grew tired of wavering away, and remained, wearily awaiting for him to say something, on him.

I could see that I had hurt him. He wasn't going to admit it though. When Edward had left--no, that thought was too painful to bear. The shadow of the hole in me flickered to life as I thought about it. I had put Edward through that same pain. It would always be hard ti believe that Edward loved me as much as I loved him, but I knew he loved me--he had to love me to be able to put up with me--so that meant that my leaving had to be at least a small portion of the hurt I had felt when he had left. Even one thousandth of what I had felt when Edward had left would be crippling. I hated that I had done that to Edward, and so, I had run from facing the damage I had caused.

"We'll call it even," I said. "We've each made a horrible mistake. I think we're tied up now."

"No," he disagreed, shaking his head. "We're not even. I've ruined your life too many times for us to ever be considered even."

"But you've saved it many more times than you've ruined it--not that I consider that you've ever ruined my life." I perched myself on the bed, and reached for his hand. "You've made my life so much better."

"Bella," he growled, standing abruptly, and pacing the room as his voice roughened. "Think about what I've done to you! Bella, less than two hours ago you wished you could be human again. I did this to you; for that, I am sorry, but that doesn't change what I have done."

"Edward, that wasn't your fault--or any fault at all," I exclaimed. I stood too, beside him, and grabbed his hands to stop his pacing, so that he would look at me. "I did kill that man," I continued. "And for that I will never forgive myself--but that has nothing to do with you. It has only to do with me. I'm going to ignore whatever your argument against that is, so don't even try. Just agree with me and we'll call it a day."

I wasn't really pleased with my side of the argument, but it was better than giving up or letting Edward guilt himself into taking the blame for every thing that I had done. I was hoping Edward would agree with me, or at least let the subject drop.

"You don't want to talk about this anymore," he stated simply. I nodded. "Fine, but I am going to bring this up again," he warned.

"Fine. Thank you for the advanced notice," I said through a clenched jaw and a deep frown.

Edward sighed and closed his eyes. I watched him struggle with whatever words he wanted to say next to me. When he opened his eyes I realized that the subject wasn't dropped yet.

"You don't want to talk about this ever again, do you?"

"Nope," I spat. "Never ever would be nice."

"Why?" he asked, seemingly impatient.

"Why don't I want to talk about this?"

"Yes."

"Because I don't want to dwell on all that stupid stuff! I want to be happy, Edward. Whatever regrets I might have don't matter," I seethed, folding my arms stubbornly across my chest. "I'm happy now. I'm happy as I am. Going back will only ruin what I have now. I just want to be here; I just want to live; there is no is point in dwelling. And that's that."

"And what if you do have regrets?" he poited out. "You said you might have--"

"But I don't," I interrupted, earning a discouraging frown from Edward.

"But what if you do?" he repeated. "Wouldn't you rather deal with those regrets now, rather than sweep them under the rug? It's better now than later."

"Better never than now," I argued. "And I've gotten very good at sweeping over the years, Edward. One more time won't be so bad for me."

Edward sighed wearily and rolled his eyes. "Bella, I think you carried your stubbornness to a new degree."

"Well, that happens when you become a vampire, right?" I grinned, glad that he was slowly letting the subject drop. "That's another lovable human trait of mine."

"Yes," he agreed. He sat on the bed beside me and stared me straight in the eyes. "So you have no regrets?"

"None at all," I assured him. "I am sincerely glad to be Bella Cullen, vampire and all."

He cupped my chin, and watched my eyes for any hint of regret of hint of a lie. There was none there; there was none for him to find.

"None at all," he repeated. "I wish I could say the same."

"Edward!" I scowled, startling him (just a little). "I know what regrets you're talking about and I won't have it!"

He gave me a glimpse of his crooked smile before suddenly hardening, fading a smile into a frown. "I would do anything for you Bella, but dismissing all my regrets is not in my power," he told me. "I'm sorry."

"Is there anything I can do to put those regrets from your mind?"

I felt like I was begging more than asking a question. I really wanted to start my life over; I wanted to be completely content. For that to happen, I needed Edward to be happy. I _wanted_ Edward to be happy.

His hand slid away from my face, and his fingers soon intertwined with mine.

"Time, my love, that is all I can think of, for now," he sighed. "Do you mind spending time with me?"

"You already know the answer to that," I said, still snapping at him.

"Yes, I did already know," he agreed, sending me an outlasting shot of his crooked smile, taking my unnecessary breathe away. Being a vampire was helpful when he smiled in that perfect way.

"Then why ask?" I questioned, smiling now myself.

He shrugged. "I wanted to hear your answer; to make sure it hadn't changed."

"That answer will never change; I will never want to be away from you," I promised him. "You have all of my time."

"But you did want to be away from me," he reminded me. "Why?"

"Why do you have to bring that up again!?" I tore my hand away from his and crossed my arms over my chest again. He waited for an answer. "I was ashamed," I admitted. "I didn't want you to think any less of me. You're so perfect Edward, and me...I'm not...not even being a vampire helped that. I'm still me."

"And it's you that I love, Bella," he whispered, kissing my forehead and touching his palm to my neck. "I can't express how much it pleases me to know that you are still you. You're perfect as your are, love."

"I knew you'd say that," I sighed. "And I knew you would say that even when I ran away. I guess I was more afraid that I had let myself down." I closed my eyes and allowed myself to forget any fears or sadness by breathing in Edward's incredible scent. "I'm not afraid of that anymore," I continued. "I realized that Edwin, Rosalind and Jeremiah's technique worked, in a way. I may not have mastered it, but, on the way back here, I didn't notice the scent of one, single human. It's as if I'm immune to human scent. I don't think there will ever be a repeat of...my mistake."

"I'll protect you from that, Bella," he promised me. "I won't let you get hurt ever again."

"I know that."

"And Alice has already seen that you won't run off again," he joked. I lightly whacked his arm, and then proceeded to wrap my fingers through his again.

"As always, I'm betting on Alice," I told him.

"As am I," he agreed.

I laughed, quietly, lightly, allowing myself to become submerged into my life again, into my happiness. Alice was always right when it came to those sorts of things. She had seen me becoming a vampire, and that had come true. (She had seen me jump off a cliff and die, but she couldn't see werewolves so that was understandable. If a certain werewolf hadn't been there I would have died.) Why should this case be any different? I had Edward; I had all the Cullens; there was no reason to leave. I had already seen the damage that could be done by that, and I had learned all that I needed from my run-away moment--because that's all it was, a moment; my life was exponential, almost never-ending, so my mistake had only been the tiniest portion of my life. I had forever still to make up for that mistake, and I had Edward and my family to make sure that I did make up for it.

All's well that end's well, right? Except, this was hardly an ending. This was just setting the scene for a beginning. Adjusting to Alaska would be another step on my eternal life-ladder.

I slipped my hands around Edward, smiling all the while, and readying myself for my happily ever after.

* * *

**Thank you for reading "Sincerely, Bella Cullen," I hope it entertained you at least a little!**

**Check out my other Twilight fanfictions ("_Breaking Dawn My Style_" and "_In Loving Memory of IS_") if I haven't bored you already! (That was a joke; if I bored you I am very sorry and sad to find that out.)**

**Peace out, and REVIEW if you have something to say (or nothing to say and just wanna type a couple nouns, verbs, maybe a couple adverbs, etc.)**


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